lihglhsoirhouqhruhr8yh30894uihflk-I think I just had a seizure.

Sometimes life throws certain things your direction. Somedays I'm really distant with her. Other days I'm all that I could be. Bottom line is that when you go through life, certain people have an affect on you. I know that my ex-girlfriends have played a major role in how things go on in my life. I'm guarded. I wish that I wasn't, but I really am. It's not something that I can break right away. It takes time to get me to put down my barriers, moats, dragons, barbed wire, machine guns, cement walls, and sharks with frickin lazer beams on their heads. It's not easy, and once you've been hurt....it can be hard to come back from it.

I have been everything under the sun to this girl. Rude, mean, ridiculously stupid, happy, lovey, affectionate.....She probably thinks I'm nutz. Fact of the matter is I am scared to be committed to anyone. I have never been single. Every time I break up with someone another door opens and I am right back where I started. Married. With 9 cats. I don't want to continue the same pattern. I just never had an opportunity to get crazy and be single, and I may be taking that out on her. If so, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be better. Love takes time. In my case Love takes Lightyears. I need you to be a turtle in slow mo stuck in a mud with with no claws or shoes. Aight? I know you got me. Just hold tight.