Chai Tea

Thank you Uncle Lee for making feel a little better. I am a sickey this week. My chest and nose are congested. I'm coughing like an old lady who has been smoking for 50 years with no filter. It's pretty amazing. Not gonna lie. It's amazing. I have a fever. And my entire body hurts. But I am in good spirits. Very good spirits. I can't wait to get off of work, go home, sleep, and relax. I need to take time out for myself. I haven't done that enough lately. I need some me time. Woot. Holler at cha sickey!

I know. I know.

Sometimes I just can't help but take these photos. The sky is so beautiful. It's a canvas that God painted on. It's gorgeous. Thank you baby Jesus.

Not Safe!

So the other night I got a call from my good friend Casey (Hate My Life) and she asked to assist in a tire change. Of course I agreed. Afterall, I am the "Husband" of the House, the "Neighborhood Boyfriend," and the "Father." I couldn't allow 2 very feminine girls go change a tire on the freeway. I could not allow that to happen...

So here I am...In the middle of the road....by myself. The girls? Where are they you ask? Late. They are late. Surprising? No.

So here I am...They are on the way...and I am debating on whether or not to sit outside of my vehicle with the over sized crickets, or sit in my vehicle where I could potentially get hit by an oncoming car. What did I do?-I sat with the crickets. I named them. We became good friends. We talked of life, love, and rocks that smell of mac n cheese.

The girls finally arrived and we were able to rescue this car from a flat tire and a citation from the city of Phoenix. As I cough up a lung and miss a dinner with a wonderful woman, she is texting me saying, "What are you doing?" I say..."changing a tire on the freeway." She responds with, "OMG be careful please!" --I love that. Concern. Something so simple. I then get a streak of feminine masculanity, and come up with "Nah I got this, don't trip." (As if I do this on an hourly basis.) Yup that's right. I change tires in the middle of the freeway on an hourly basis. Yup. Uh huh. --Not. Hell no. No way Josefina.

In all reality all I could do was talk to crickets and fear that I would be ran over by a semi. With my luck, I would have a truck driver drop his double bean burrito, and as he reached to retrieve it, go off the road and make me and the crickets windshield droppings. Death by double bean burrito would be my obituary...hmm...food for thought. :) I've always wanted to go out with a bang. Maybe a double bean burrito death wouldn't be that bad. Ha. Negative.

My cats Junior and Mia

I can't help but think how amazing they are. They are the cutest things ever and on top of it they bring joy to my life. It's nice to feel missed by not only friends and family, but also by an animal whose loyality is never ending. I love theses kids...they are my own.

Sky Light Sky Bright

I wish I could make this post funny....but it's just too perrrty. :) Downtown Phoenix. The place I call home.

Tattooed Heaven

There's nothing like a 6 am photo. K is for Killer. Ok ok...so it's not. ;)

Translation Please

I was looking into some music by The Dream today. If you haven't heard him, you have to. It should be a life necessity. Anywho........

He has a song out called "Luv Songs" In this song he sings "Let me get that 808"....I wondered...What the hell is 808??


The first thing I thought was Hawaii...but I know The Dream is from ATL (Atlanta GA) so Hawaii was out of the question. Then I looked up 808. It's a piece of equipment that allows bass to sound louder and deeper.

808-Bigg Assss Bassss Soundssss. :)

There is another one called "Right Side of Your Brain".....This one was a little easier to figure out. I did have to do a little research. When looking into it, the right side of the brain controls logic.

"The Right Side Of My Side Of My Brain"--Logic.

I like this one too. Who would think to analyse and to say the right side of the brain controls whether or not we give our hearts away....i dig it.

The Dream Also has a song called "Purple Kisses"...Mmmkkkaaayy....what is a purple kiss?

I thought maybe a hickey? That would be a much softer way to say hickey....but it was not the right answer.

Purple Kiss-Lipstick smeared kiss.

hmm....not sure if I would want this or not...all i can picture is going to my mothers house for dinner with lipstick smeared on me. I'm sure my mom would not be happy. But at home...on a week night. Purple Kiss me down lady!!

I love the dream. It's definitely good to analyse lyrics...send em my way!! Woot!

Free Smiles

Through the Rain.

The the Storms.
Through the worst times.
Throught the best times.





A smile is addictive. There is so much pain in the world. Too often you can see people with a blank look on their face. But when you smile at them, their face changes. Whether it's a smirk or a full blown smile. There is a change. That's the kind of impact that I want to have.





A smile can change someone's entire day. An attitiude. An outlook. A change occurs. Make an impact. Make someone smile. Even laugh if you're confident enough. Do something silly for someone's sake of laughter. Everyone needs to smile, and maybe today can be a point of impact.

As cheesy as it sounds....today will be free smiles day for me. I would make an effort to make a complete stranger smile. Wish me luck. woot.

Play Doh Life

I was on the phone earlier with my good friend Casey. She was telling me how bad life sucked for her, (we do this often) and I suggested that we live in a Play Doh world. This way if things go terribly wrong we can smash the play doh and start all over. Immaculate concept right? I think so.

This is our friend the Big Red Rabbit. He lives in The Big Apple. Which is why he is red. If we wanted to start over on this one, I'm pretty sure we could make a TON of bunnies. See. :)Thanks BIG Red bunny for all of your little friends. Everybunny needs somebunny. Wow-I just realized how ridiculous that sounded. I take it back. Just pretend. It never happened.
This is someone who thought of the EXACT same concept. We don't know her name. I don't think we want too. But we'll call her Playdoh lady. Scary Playdoh Lady. P.S. Nice socks.

This is where we buy the large amounts of play doh. Making a house, cars, food, and people take a lot. But remember you can always start over in Play doh life. If you don't like your friends you can smash them up and start over. This is also valid for rude cashiers, the police, and girls. :)

Here are our 3 very best friends. Yes, I do understand that they are play doh and that this concept is potentially lame....but that is not the point. The point is, if these friends call me poo face, I can make them look like poo.

This is Pinky. Pinky is a single parent with 3 jobs. We like Pinky. We can relate to her a lot. Pinky likes long walks on wax paper (the beach sand gets in her hair) , she likes the moonlight (the sun makes her soft and melty), and loves to make children ( it makes her look less round when you take chunks out of her). If there are any single "Doh's" out there please call 1800-ThisIsRidiculous. "Play Doh Boys" need not apply.

This is Green boy. He turned 8 last week. He is full of doh and is seeking a family to take care of him. (We ran out of play doh before we could make Mr. and Mrs. Green).

This is our Ghetto neighbor. He was made because I needed someone to understand me when I speak. You know I'm from the hizzy hood right?!? Shoooooot. We will call him G-bor. I heart G-bor. We down. Knaw whatta mean? This is the Tiki doh. He's the community Doctor, mechanic, Truck driver, maid, babysitter, and corn shucker. I think everyone needs someone to shuck the corn. He's the Tiki of all Trades. Go Tiki Go! He's a multi tasker. He's sauve, he's handsome, and you can smoosh him if he talks back. That's the perfect man to me. :)

Thanks for joining another crazy episode of my life. Just remember, If things start to go wrong...smash it. Start over. That's a little destructive....Let's try this again. If things go wrong, go buy some play doh, mold what is making you mad, then smash it. OH-then come email me about it. I like those kind of stories. ---That's the best advice I have EVER give. woot!!

Liquid Courage

More than a drink,
but I took a few sips
And let it do what it does,
now drunk textin
Like its all about you,
like I cant spend
Another minute without you
You know the drinks let you say things
You aint allowed to,
things interfere
But youre way to proud to say it out loud.

Alcohol for sure does this. It allows you to say things that you would not normally dream of saying. I get like that every once and a while. Alcohol definitely stems some liquid courage. Not just talking but actions as well. Sometimes you find yourself in a situation that you would not normally place yourself in. I have definitely done that a bajillion times. I have been a Drunky Drunkerton. I've been an FDK. (Fat Drunk Kid). Yikes. I'm outta control!! woot

Ashley Nicole

I snapped this picture of Miss Ashley last night. She was teaching me how to write. Thanks Ashley. I would be lost without you mamaz!! She is so beautiful. Amber for sure is going to have a heart breaker for a daughter! I'm so glad that I get to spend some time with her.

XXX Rated. Sorry Kids. I'm feelin Frisky.

Summer

So yesterday I was browsing on another blog and was reading about something that Ellen was going to do, and I totally thought of my amazing ex-wife Summer. I will let you read this, and check it out if you want...I will explain further below.

Could Your Friend Use a Financial Stimulus? Ellen's Big Stimulus Package has been extended, and your friend may be the next beneficiary! If you know someone who has been going through a rough time and could use an infusion of cash or prizes, click here and tell us their story! Please be specific as to why your friend is the most deserving, and then stay close to your phone... Ellen just might be calling!

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/

So, I submitted this for Summer. She is the one person I thought of when reading this. I love her so much. I have the pleasure of having her in my life again. I wrote Ellen a little letter, that hopefully she will get to read. Even if she's not picked. I hope she reads it.

Summer has been through more things than I could ever begin to imagine, everything from losing all of her parents to being damn near homeless. I am so thankful that I have her in my home. I want you to know S.I.M. that I love you so much. I know that good things will come your way if you give it time. Just know that I got you no matter what. I would never turn my back on you. XO

We Pay off your Mortage in the Event of Your Death

I don't know about you, but I think this is taking it to far. They pay off your mortage if you die. Thanks guys! And on top of it they put a little happy couple on there.

Husband: Don't worry honey, if I die in a freak bullfighting accident you'll get this carboard house that we have been paying on for the last 10 years.

Wife: That's so great honey! Does it count if it's murder too? :)

They are setting people up for gruesome crimes. Ok, maybe not that bad. But wow. I don't think that I would advertise in this manner. And if this is the ONLY thing they cover I would say tht you have shitty mortage insurance. Just saying. Woot.

Clean Bathroom

So I was cleaning my bathroom and I caught my 2 kids in action. They decided to wrestle over the ducky bath mat. Mia (the siamese) had Junior in a head lock a few times. They LOVE to play. I heart my lil ones.

I heart Phoenix

Photo by Deena Gleason Photo by: My Dumbass.

The old days

This was so long ago I can't even tell you!! I was going through my email and sectioning certain emails off, and I came across these. WOW. I laughed so hard. I'll go left to right. Cacy, Misty, Yours Truly, and Chiquita. This was probably 6 years ago. I remember not being old enough to drink. This was taken in Tucson for the Red and White Party.

It's funny how things change over time. The only person I talk to in this picture is Cacy. I heart her. She's one of my favorite karaoke buddies. Everyone wants to "dry hump" her voice, so she makes me look good. Thanks ma.

This is back when Cacy and Misty were together. I think Cacy was a CO back in these days...so long it's hard to remember...I remember little weird details. Boy oh boy I have stories to tell.

Bagel who? Bagelful

This was beyond my control for sure. I definitely had to buy this just so I could see what this was all about. Well, it for sure was bagel bread molded into a log shape. Cream cheese was definitely in the middle. BUT. It reminds me of an extra large twinkie.

AND It is weird to have cream cheese ALREADY in the middle of this. AND there is not nearly enough. This bagelful cream cheese couldn't satisfy a lego man. A good bagel to me is one that is smothered in cream cheese, maybe butter and some jelly, or even as an egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich. This thin layer of cream cheese won't do it for me...maybe for someone who is lactose intolerant? hmm...cream cheese for thought.

when i was younger i was beyond my years...Quotes made by me.

I'm not sure if I should share these or not, but I'm going to. These are things that I have said. They ring in my brain, they are siginificant to me. For many different reasons.

"Beauty is when Silence sets in and Touch Takes Over."

"When you've been damaged, remember that only you can make the repairs."

"I don't want love if you're not in it with me."

"Tell me that your Love is as deep as the depths of your browned eyed soul."

"I don't need the world to understand, I just need them to listen."

"The biggest Mistake I ever made was trusting you with my soul."

"With every tear that falls, more of my weakness pours out of me and I grow strength."

"Remember when you loved me?-You gave me shoes to throw."

"You will never have the strength to break who I am and who I will always be."

"Don't Worry. Your secrets are safe with me. There is a lock on my heart. Only I have the key."

Just some things that could make me cry, but I would rather remember who they belong to. I have a lot to think about. I need time in my brain. I think I'm gonna go home for a weekend. SoCal here I come. To my folks in SB hit me up. I'll be out!!

Moving to Alaska

I would like to thank Microsoft Paint, National Geographic, and my talent/stupidity for this amazing work of art. Please...no autographs or pictures. ha!

Jessica and her choooos

She is one of my very very very very good friends who happened to stop by last night to see me. She had on some amazing shoes. They were awesome. I told her I would fall all over the world if I ever chose to wear something like that. Break at least one ankle, foot, knee, back, or backside.

She's one of my favorite people. Top 20 fo sho. I heart you Jessica Mills!!

Blind me

This was taken at my office a few days ago. I dig it. My only regret was that I wasn't outside enjoying this miraculous view. Sometimes we all need to be blinded. Blinded by what's around us. Take a few to allow the sun to shine in your face. Close your eyes and feel the warmth of the sun. And of course to ignore the annoying co worker that could be next to you. You never know...they don't know if you are meditating or not. You could be an unda-cova meditator. woot.

This is Fatty, Dito Dito, and Polly Pocket Banger

Know why we're cooler than you? Let me tell you.

1. We are Gangsta Gangsta. (As seen below)
2. We are drawings AND actual people. (Top that punk)



:) This is awesome Thanks Jeni

Birthday Fatty

William and Christopher Puff. Celebratin drunk with a specific finger...just for you. :)

My ex-wife (in the yellow) Summer and my son Alex. We watched baby mama while eating some bomb food. Thanks D.

Summer made me a delicious cake. It's taste like smurf chocolately heaven. It was amazing. No one can make a cake like this woman. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. xo

This is Potato Salad Toni. This is her new name. She should not be called by any other name going forward. Do not let her fool you. She may try to tell you that her name is Toni. She is Lying. It is not. Her name is Potato Salad Toni. Don't forget.

lihglhsoirhouqhruhr8yh30894uihflk-I think I just had a seizure.

Sometimes life throws certain things your direction. Somedays I'm really distant with her. Other days I'm all that I could be. Bottom line is that when you go through life, certain people have an affect on you. I know that my ex-girlfriends have played a major role in how things go on in my life. I'm guarded. I wish that I wasn't, but I really am. It's not something that I can break right away. It takes time to get me to put down my barriers, moats, dragons, barbed wire, machine guns, cement walls, and sharks with frickin lazer beams on their heads. It's not easy, and once you've been hurt....it can be hard to come back from it.

I have been everything under the sun to this girl. Rude, mean, ridiculously stupid, happy, lovey, affectionate.....She probably thinks I'm nutz. Fact of the matter is I am scared to be committed to anyone. I have never been single. Every time I break up with someone another door opens and I am right back where I started. Married. With 9 cats. I don't want to continue the same pattern. I just never had an opportunity to get crazy and be single, and I may be taking that out on her. If so, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be better. Love takes time. In my case Love takes Lightyears. I need you to be a turtle in slow mo stuck in a mud with with no claws or shoes. Aight? I know you got me. Just hold tight.

Definition of dating

Well, Dictionary.com defines dating as:a person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement: Can I bring a date to the party?

Dating is also defined as an act with a person that does not require commitment. Most Lesbians...especially in Phoenix do a "U-Haul" move.

For Example.

Day one: You Meet someone new.

Day two: You "Meet" that someone. ;)

Day Three: You are moving in.

This is the EXACT process I do not want to follow. I want to take things slow. Get to know my chick. Relax. Laugh. Kiss. Slow dance. Drink til I'm tipsy. Talk about Lima Beans. And go out. But I need my space too. I need some time with my folks. I need some time to breathe every now and again. It's in my nature as a Taurus. When I'm not in a relationship, I need a lil space to do me. What does that mean? Many would like to know. Let me tell you. Doin me does not me I'm gonna go ho it out and hang with a bunch of chicks that wanna smash. I do like the attention. I don't know anyone who doesn't. But that does not mean that I am some weak fool who will jump at my first option. I lay back. Play it cool, and come home when I need to. I need space. That's just how it is. If you push me, and pressure me...I'm likely to puch 10 times harder in the opposite direction. That's just me. Someone tells me not to do something, I am likely to do the opposite of what I was told to do. Don't get it twisted, I'm not rebellious, I'm just one of those chicks who don't like to be told what to do.

Kinda like when you're little and your mom tells you not to eat to much candy. You end up stealing a dollar from your mom's purse and buying as many sugary things as possible from the ice cream man.

Now I'm not saying I'm like a kid in the candy store. I'm just saying that sometimes we don't always do what we're asked.

With all this said....Sometimes you gotta lay back, and allow things to happen. Forcing them will only allow less genuine and sincere feelings to develop. I like to feel because I have control of that, not because someone tells me I should feel a certain way. With that said, I'm going to call my mom for a dollar. Pop Rocks sound bomb right now. Woot!