Jagger Swagger

I bought Deena a matching pink scarf for Christmas. I like purple. Black and purple loves me.

Does ANYONE dress like this? Every single time that I see this pop up I think...Who are they trying to have pay attention to this? Anyone who wears fish fin gloves? Anyone who wears a Jazzercise suit around town? Or is it someone that wears a flashing light for a hat?

I totally love how their are age brackets here too. Why not just say "Any age"? Are you under 18? Or over 18? No need for the age brackets here folks. There really is just no need at all. Unless you are really attempting to attract you 75+ plus crowd. At 75 I would rather retire than try to strike up a new career. Just saying. On any note. I encourage ANYONE to go back to school. However. I do not encourage you to dress like the ladyman on this flyer. No burrito. Halllla

A day in my life

Person: It's on the West side of the building.


Me: Ok, so it should be right over there.

Person: No. It's to your left.

Me: Oh, that would be East then.

Person: Well, I guess it depends on which way you're facing.

Me: ? What?

Toilet Paper holder

I know that I have talked about toilet paper in the past, but I wanted to re-live this one. I used a public restroom recently, and this is what I saw....wow. Talk about a toilet paper holder. Who came up with this? Obviously Magyver. I mean really though. I am super surprised that there isnt a paper clip, can of beans, and baking soda somewhere in here too. Just in case Macgyver needed to make an airplane. Hay-soos people. This is redonkulous. What I love more? There is a fully finctional toilet paper holder UNDER the make shift Macgyver one. A-Mazing.

Let's talk about bookstores

I just want to point out how in retrospect these two should not be this close. The beginning aisle was "Dating" Ok, then "Marriage" Great! Then............"Divorce" WHAAAT?

So why do this? Theory 1 Here are my theories: For people in denial. They are contemplating Divorce. The section is designed to have marriage books close by, that way if you run into your nosey next door neighbor you can pretend you are picking up a book about successful marriages or how to spice things up when they are "already hot."

Theory 2

They are to make people CRAZY. I for one would go absolutely bonkers if I saw this. Maybe I was reaching out. I needed a book to make me feel better about a Divorce. So I find the aisle only to find all the fluffy nice books about marriage and soul mates and blah blah blah. How torturus! I mean really though. I think I would want to push the entire stand over to show my dismay. All the "great memories" of the marriage come flashing back. Then you're filled with this empty feeling because you're there to look at a Divorce book. AWESOME. Nice going Barnes and Noble.

Theory 3

They are distinctively placed their to talk people out of getting married. Maybe you're young. And wanting to make sure that the one is really the one. What's right next door to your fluffy marriage books? Guides to a speedy Divorce. And probably a complimentary coupon on a Lawyer.

I don't know about you, but if I ever see a woman coming out of Barnes and Noble crying, I think it may be because of this. OR the new Harry Potter was sold out. Whatevs. Halllla

New shades

Am I cool yet? Halllla

T Mills

Wow. Went to the Kreayshawn concert and heard T Mills. WOW. This dude is DOPE. I mean wow. Check out his new music. I have some on my playlist. He is amazing. I like a little better than Yelawolf...but shhhh...dont tell anyone that. :) Check him out. I promise he is worth it. I need someone to make me a CD stat! Halllllla

JenniV.Tumblr.com

So, my friend Jenni wanted to know what she would look like as a manly man. Mission accomplished! Take a look at this studly stud muffin! I told her she may get a few lady callers, I mean Lesbi-honest she looks super studrific! <3 you friend! Everyone check out her tumblr for good laughs, and daily thoughts!

Talk that talk

Kiss me like you miss me, Fuck me like you hate me

Verse 1]


She says "kiss me like you miss me, fuck me like you hate me

And when you’re fucking someone else just fuck her like she ain't me"

Damn, those words are scary, those words are scary virgin Mary

I just tell her to spare me

I was in love 2 years ago and gave the baggage to my ex

It’s all for her to carry, bags she deserve to carry

I hate that ho, I make it so hard just to talk, don’t I?

I get off topic don’t I? I get it poppin’ don’t I?

I’ll end up stopping won’t I? And by the time I end up stopping

You’ll be rocking one of the rings you pointed out while shopping with a nigga don’t lie

She’s losing it right now, cause if I wasn't who I am, she would've been moving in right now

But instead we're moving slow -- I guess she's used to it by now

And she gives me all her trust and I'm abusing it right now

But this money coming in is just confusing shit right now

You just told me I ain't shit and I guess I'm proving it right now



[Hook]

I say I'd rather be with you but you are not around

So I'mma call somebody up and see if they be down

Cause I hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone

Half the time we don't end up fucking, I don't ask her for nothing

You leave me in the morning, I don't see her for months

But I just hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone

So she’s here and we're both so gone



[Verse 2]

Hotel to hotel, girl -- I could use your company

Full name and birthday, I book a flight, you come to me

But she don't want a weekend -- she wants all of me or none of me

If she can't work with all of me then she say she done with me

You say that you over me you always end up under me

You know how it goes -- don't be crazy, don't play dumb with me

Don't start with yo shit -- I put you back in yo place

She tells me "I bet you won't, you won't say that to my face"

And hang up yeah, how dare you tell me it's tougher for you

Like I don't hear about the niggas you fucking with, too

And whoever I be with, they got nothing on you

That's just something to do when there's nothing to do

Yeah, but she's losing it right now

She has choices she should make I think she's choosing it right now

One more chance to make it right, I think I'm using it right now

You just said I never learn I guess I'm proving it right now

Tattoos

I need new tattoos. Better yet...a cover up. Look at my right arm. Faded Chinese symbols. I need a new one. Although I realize this takes money. So I guess this post should be about needing money right? Who couldn't use more money? Besides Bill Gates. Jeez. Can I invent something cool please? Something innovative? Something necessary? Something profitable? End of rant session.

Anywho. Anyone know any tattoo artists in Phoenix who have mad skills and want a lifetime loyal customer hit me up via email. Hanemaayer1022@yahoo.com please and thank you mucho! Halllla

Swagnificent

Good gravy lady. I have not been on here since I left for WV. I should have some pictures to post from my trip. Until then I will leave you with the one that I took last night. I hit up the town (Ross, and Fry's grocery) last night and wanted to do it BIG. nah. Not really. I just remember all the busted people I see that I know, and I didn't want that busted person to be me last night. I haven't kept up with my game lately. That's over now. I have returned. Thank you. No applause needed. Just <3 and Support. Have a Swagnificent day!

Enjoy the Silence

I will be gone to West Virginia from Thursday until next Saturday. I am going to see my Grandparents. They haven't seen me in 10 years. We will be in the sticks. No mansland. Basically cut off from all services that I am used to. (FB, tumblr, cell service) My sister and Mother are out there now. My grandparents have no idea that I will be coming. I hope that they enjoy this surprise.


I will be touching down in a ton of major cities throughout my Red eye flight. Lots of stops. :/ It will be an experience for sure. If anything happens to me, I want the world to know 5 things:


1-I am not perfect. I make a hundred million mistakes on the daily.

2-I love music, and wished now that I would have locked my hair up and riddled myself with tattoos.

3-I love Jesus.

4-I really enjoy writing. I'm traveling with a notebook. It has all my secrets in it.

5-If I could do anything over in life, it would be my relationship. I'm so sad that things didn't work out. And if you don't know that I am madly in love with you, then I don't know what to say. I would die for you. Honestly truly. I miss you. Forever.

Swag

I got 99 problems, but my sway aint one. When Deena and I went to Vegas we stopped at one of the little shops in the outlets. They had some T's that we liked, so Deena took these home and ripped them up for me. They look good. She took this photo last night when we were having a coca cola bottle movie night. Good times. I miss her. Even though she is next to me, I only hope that the future still sees us together. I don't want to lose her. She is the best thing.

Incendies Letters

Incendies is an Independent film that came out in 2010. It's about a Mother who passed on, and left letters behind for her children. In order for the children to receive the letters, they had to go on a quest to find the meaning behind their lives. Very intruiging and touching film.

This movie has inspired me to write letters. Thursday evening I am venturing across the country to see my Grandparents, Aunt, and Uncle for the first time in 10 years. I've had a ton going on in my life. Between moving out of our condo, and making a million life changes; I fear that the Break up between Deena and I may be permanent. I think that she knows that I love her. At least she tells me that she does.

I want to write letters. To her, and to my family. In the event that something happens to me; I want her to know what I feel and why. I want her to know that I am sorry for all of the things that went wrong, and all of the things that made her upset.

I don't often share my feelings like this. Forgive me this once. But if you have ever lost someone due to you. Due to stupid mistakes, then I bet you will understand what I'm feeling. I can't lose her. She is the only woman that I want to have children with, the only woman I want to make a home with. The only woman that I want to eat dinner with everyday. The only woman I want to go to Vegas with. The only woman who I want to make love to. The only woman I want to tell about my day. Life seems to empty without those thoughts. They are empty without those thoughts.

I wish I could stop crying about it. It seems that I can't go a day without beating myself up. This isn't healthy. I've never done this before. I've never felt like this before, and that scares me the most. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that nothing will ever be the same. Look for a letter if anything ever happens to me. If you weren't sure if I loved you then, you will know now.

Out.

Coco Swollen

Poor little Coco got into something that made her wittle face swell. Thank you Benadryl. I freaked out, and didnt even notice it until she tried to lick me. I couldnt believe how her little face had swollen up so big. I grabbed her, and took her straight to Deena who told me to get a Benadryl in her asap. Luckily this did the trick. Her wittle face returned to a normal Chiuhuahua size. It was kinda cute. Oh how I love you Coco.

...

i feel like im watching my life crumble into pieces right before my eyes

Coco the baby Deer/Dog

I swear. she is the reason I want to rub bellies in the morning. Thanks for being cute coco bear deer.

Junior and Mia

2 peas in a pod. I'm so grateful that you look after my Dad now. I think that this makes him a lot less lonely. Boy does he love you two.

Free Mercury game from Fry's Grocery

Free Mercury game from Fry's grocery? Halllla! Last night was awesome. I took my 16 foot receipt into US Airways and scored 2 seats to a Mercury VS Minnesota game. Mercury won (Big halllla) and on an even better note I got to see some awesome people. Jamie was there with her parents (which whom I absolutely adore), Sabrina (Biff), and Monica. They invited Sirena and I to their suite where we sat in comfort for the last half of the game. Overall it was an awesome night. A much needed fun night. Sirena and I often talk about having "dude night" Which means us watching the latest Harry Potter movie, or catching a happy hour somewhere. We don't get too very often, so this was a nice treat for the both of us.

On top of everything I got to see good people whom I love and respect. Thank you Fry's for the free game, and thank you Jesus for letting me alive. Halllllalujer

What women really talk about

Jenni [9:18 AM]:

Being a girl is crazy. Boys can’t possibly imagine what it feels like to have crazy hormones running through your body. And you KNOW somewhere deep inside that you’re crazy and that you’re being a crazy hormonal chick and a little voice inside you whispers…

“This isn’t real”….

but you still want to murder people. You even want to murder that little annoying voice inside you telling you to calm down and stop acting like sociopath. And then you want to smear the blood of your stupid inside little voice on your cheeks like a wild aborigine and DARE someone else to mess with you.

Jenni [9:18 AM]:

Too much?

And then there is wanting to cry every time someone wrongs me. Like this morning when a car cut in front of me on the road. The light turned red allowing them to go at the last minute while I was forced to stay behind. And in that moment, I swear to you, that person ruined my life. My life was over in that moment as I shook with rage with my sanity’s blood smeared on my cheek.

Louisa [9:18 AM]:

Oh my Jennay

Jenni [9:19 AM]:

hahah

Jenni [9:19 AM]:

What’s wrong with me!

Louisa [9:19 AM]:

you’re a woman

Louisa [9:19 AM]:

that’s what’s wrong with all of us

Jenni [9:19 AM]:

Luckily I had the wherewithall not to post that on my tumblr

Jenni [9:19 AM]:

But I had to share it with someone

Louisa [9:19 AM]:

lol

Louisa [9:19 AM]:

I LOVE it

Louisa [9:20 AM]:

I think that it is not only well written but a completely accuracte depiction of the hormonal rage that lives inside each and every woman.

Louisa [9:20 AM]:

I say post it. Then we will get clip boards and collect signatures for something womanly.

Jenni [9:20 AM]:

Do you think people will be alarmed?

Jenni [9:20 AM]:

do you think people will be afraid? hahah

Louisa [9:20 AM]:

yes

Louisa [9:20 AM]:

but that’s the best part

Louisa [9:21 AM]:

it’s unexpected

Louisa [9:21 AM]:

think of the LIVES that you will change.

Louisa [9:22 AM]:

There are plenty of men out there who have no idea of the bloody rage that lives inside a small, sometimes insignificant action. This could be informing.

Jenni [9:22 AM]:

Hahahaha, I will do it for the women!

Jenni [9:22 AM]:

For the sad, clueless men!

Louisa [9:22 AM]:

LOL

Jenni [9:22 AM]:

For the children of the crazy mothers!

Louisa [9:22 AM]:

PREACH



Yup. This conversation happened. I heart Jennnay! I truly hope that somehow that guy that cut her off this morning gets wind of this blog. I would pay. Maybe Jenni got his license plate number. Hallla

Just So I'm understood

I have totally lost touch with new music. This makes me sad. I have no time at work to research all my favorite sites in search of the newest and most amazing music. Boooooooo. Ah, job security. I love it. I shouldn't complain. I would like a new laptop though. Think someone would take 2 REALLY old and broken ones for half off a new one? Yeah. I wouldnt either.

Either way I need to find a way to keep my phone from dying. I mean holy cow. An 8 hour day and my phone is as dead as a doornail. Sucks, but it's a small price to pay to have the internet at my beckon call. My old phone would take 5+ minutes just to sign into FB.

Speaking of FB. It has slowly become all the things that I disliked about myspace. Another boooo for FB. If I didn't have people on there that I love I would delete it. I'm not for putting all my biz-nass out there like most lesbos do. No one needs to know my personal business. So many people put it all out there for everyone to see.

For instance:

"Just got a tummy tuck. Man I look good! Time for some bikini pics once my bruising dies down!"

Really?-I mean I get that you're proud of how you look, but does EVERYONE really need to know about how you recently had skin tucked so that you weren't so subconcious about your appearance?

How about this one:

"F---ing B----! I can't believe my soon to be EX gf really thinks she can treat me like this!" Sent 3 minutes ago.

" I love her so much. She's the sweetest woman I have ever know. I love you pookie" Sent 32 seconds ago.

Really? NO ONE needs to know about your bi-polar roller-coaster.

Can you tell I like to hyphenate? It's because I write words the way that I would say them. My apologies. I promise I'm not an idiot. Most days.

Case and Point. If you want to share your bi-polar roller-coaster with the world that is your business. Just not my cup of tea. I just don't need to know alllllla that. Halla. Thanks FB you are the NEW myspace.

Jerks.

BTW

Vote Coco for cutest dog of the day. Where is the contest being held you say? I dunno. Just vote darn-it! ;)

I'm taking some time

I am taking some time out of my ridiculously busy day to blog for a moment. I miss the days that I could do this on a daily basis and blog about all the ridiculous things that I had done that day. Sigh. Working hard is good (job stability), but is bad too (no friggin fun).

So...without further "A-Dew" I made pancakes last night. I have been on a banana pancake movement. The last few weeks I have mixed in banana with my pancake batter. It's so delicious I could eat it all the time. Which is exactly what I did last night. I made banana pancakes. Holler.

I have never been good at making the BIG pancakes that are bigger than your face. I have always struggled with flipping them over. So I make the bitsy pancakes. They are small, easy to manage, and have the tendency to make people say "Awwww, they're cute." Yes, I know Pancakes can too be cute. (See below)

So anywho. That is my random blog for the day. I hope that I have one everyday for the next 365 days minimally. Thanks for playing. Have a Super Wednesday!

October

I will do any and everything to come see you. I promise that. I love you Papa.

Things that I miss

The View from my 16th story condo...and the smell of you cooking in 2010.

Why I USED to like going to the Casino

Why won't I go anymore? Because it hurts.

Ever hear of Co-Nex?

I think this was the only appropriate picture I could post there for my office. I dont think they would appreciate my tooth brushing pics. Hallla

Coco

I think she likes the Lion King too!

Last night

I had a profound realization that I look nothing like I used to. Granted I don't talk, act, or think the same, but I have gained some major weight over the last 8 years. This May was the 8th year anniversary of graduating high school. Holy cow! 8 years is a long time. Then I realize that I am not getting any younger, and the older I get the more unmotivated I am to make tough changes in my life.

So what did I do? I shadow boxed in my bedroom at 1am because I couldnt sleep. So this is what I envisioned myself to look like:

And this is more like what I ACTUALLY looked like:

I was so tired when it was all said and done that I literally sat on the floor in my room and drank water. No worries. No Krispy Kreme bag full of donuts was around. :)

I also did some crazy situps. I wanted to feel the burn again. I got one. After like 2. I think that means that my body is super angry that I waited this long to do a situp. Booooooo. I want to find my shake weight too. Man that thing is powerful! About 30 seconds in my arms want to detach from my body and lay in bed. It's an intense work out for your upper torso.

Neither here nor there I am going to start taking the time to walk Coco more. Take her out and about which will give me an excuse to walk fast or possibly jog a bit. Either way I am going to change my habits. No more soda. No more high calorie juices or drinks. Or foods for that matter. I have even considered taking the HCG shots this time around. Not sure what will come of this though. Either way it's happening. I found my motivation and I'm holding on for dear life.

Pray for me. I will need it.

Hallelujer!

Inspiration in a dark quiet room

Inspired by my emotion I fall into a dream,


The room is so dark but my senses are keen.

I can't seem to find you, where have you gone?

Is it something I said? Have I done something wrong?

The only sounds I hear are the tears that relentlessly hit my skin.

How I long to be the one who makes you satisfied within.

Why can't this be simple, and easy to do?

You're the only one I want, it's always been you.

I lay in my bed feeling shattered from top to bottom,

What a day today has been, a day that my love for you feels unwelcome.

Salt River Tubing

Going to the River yesterday with friends was the best and worst event of my life. Everything was going really well. The River was pretty. Good tunes. Snacks. Gatorade. **NO alcohol** Nice little river flow. About 1.5 hours into it we hit some “rapids.” Well, that left Chiquita, Inez, Deena, and myself out of our tubes and into Hell water. Trying to save everyone from inevitable crashing into bushes led me and 3 people I care for down the Hell driven River.


First the slip and fall. Not so bad. Thinking “Ok, I can make it back into my safe little tube.” NOPE. I found myself holding on for dear life to an intertube. I look ahead and see that Inez and Chiquita are fighting the river, but have a hold of an intertube. I see Deena out of her tube, but desperately grabbing for me. I didn’t know why until I hit the first rock that ripped my left leg open. I was dragged for nearly a quarter of a mile. I felt every single rock on the bottom of the Salt River. Crashing into anything that came near me. I found myself under water much longer than I ever should have been. I could feel Deena’s arm wrap around my face as I gasped for air only to find River water instead of oxygen. The few times I did get air was only because Deena had me by my hair, and was desperately trying to pull me to the surface.

I couldn’t hear anything. It was as if the world was silent. I could hear Deena screaming my name. Then Chiquita scream my name. It was as if I was in a room with them individually. That was the only thing I could hear. I couldn’t hear the tretorous River rock ripping through my flesh, or even the sound of the water in my ears. I knew at that very moment that I was in deep trouble.

I found myself grasping onto anything that I could find. When I felt like I could get a grip, another rock grabbed be my the ribs ripping my skin and forcing my head back into the river. I could hear Deena screaming my name. I just wanted the River to stop for 20 seconds to get us out of the hell. I couldn’t help anyone. Not even myself. But I can only tell you the relief I felt when I saw that Deena had her intertube within reach. I just wanted her safe. And not in pain.

The rocks were sharp. You would think that water beaten rocks wouldn’t be sharp. Well, they are. And they cut deep. Physically and mentally. I think God was showing mercy that day. 2 men were strategically placed near the end of the rough river. Collecting beer, towels, and other miscellaneous items that had fallen off of peoples rafts. A man grabbed me straight out of the water. I was able to grab Deena, and fight the current long enough to get us on the little strip of land.

When all was said and done. Deena and I were bloody from the rocks. Her feet were raw for the slick rocks and trying to make her way to me. Her legs scratched, her feet mangled. Inez had an asthma attack, and Chiquita had both knees and feet knocked hard. But we were alive. We were alive. I puked up some river water on the bank, and bled all over my favorite board shorts. But I was alive. The rest of the group was unharmed. And we were less than 100 feet from the checkpoint.

Needless to say I won’t ever go to the River again. I am forever indebited to Deena who helped me take the only breaths that I would get in a quarter mile stretch. I love you more than words could ever express. The terror on your face and the screams I heard will never be forgotten.

This experience left my back, stomach, feet, ribs, legs, shoulders, and head scratched from the river floor. But it also let me take a look at life a lot differently. I could feel the intense love that Deena had for me. The willingness to put herself in danger to save me. That I will never forget. Not in a lifetime.

Deena, I love you with all of me. I am lucky that we have the love that we have. And I will never let you go.

Life update

Dear Blogspot,

I know that I have neglected you like an old toy that I left in the yard to get sun bleached. I apologize. Things have been ca-razy. Deena and I took a seperation to get things worked out between us. This has proved to be effective. During this time we have sold the armoire, the couches, and other bits and pieces of our place. We have also almost entirely moved out of Landmark Towers. This is very sad. This place has an AMAZING view. I will miss it.

I am moving into my new place this weekend. Still house hunting a bit. Deena and I would like to move into out own home. Get some real estate and start a family. Paying off bills is so much fun. Boooo. I want a grant or a large sum of money to fall into my lap, but who doesn't? I don't know anyone who would turn money down.

My BFF and her lady are having a baby. Chance August Barlow. Holy cow. A baby! Xan looks more preganant every time I see her. She is in her 3rd trimester. Toni and I plan to have a yard sale within the next few weeks. We gon' get RICH! j/k. lol I think it's time I get rid of one million items from my storage unit. The time has come. My first apartment from 2003 is in there. That's right. It hasn't seen the light of day in 8 years. Why I held on this long is still a mystery.

Deena got a brand new job. Holy cow. I know she is super relieved to be appreciated. Her last boss appreciated her only when it directly benefited him. I think her new boss will be the change of pace that she deserves. She spent 3 years miserable at her old job. It was a resume builder though. Without that experience she probably would not have received this call from her new job.

Coco is getting bigger. Taught her how to roll over last night. She is so effin cute. She has been a good listener too. (Yes, I talk to my dog). She is truly the cutest floooofer I have ever encountered. She needs to be spayed. asap. and a new kennel asap. Ah, so many things to do.

Well, work is busy. Holy cow busy. I have 6 annual reviews to write, and 21 development plans. Then I go on vacation. It always seems that I am crunching in work before I take a vacation. Or in this case, a staycation. Well, I should really get back to work now. Halla if you need me.

FK

I make Breakfast

My sister trying on my shoes

I wore my brand new Coogi sneakers over to my Dad's house for my birthday dinner with my family. My sister had to try on my shoes. LOL She's a very conservative shoe wear-er. IE: New Balance, and keds. Seeing her in some Coogi hi tops was the highlight of my dinner. Thanks Sis. You look hip hoppity. Hallla

My future son

This is seriously the custest thing I have seen in a long time. It makes me want children of my own. How cute is this? Someone has been watching Daddy shave a whole lot. I remember always wanting to watch my Grandpa and my Dad shave. No idea why. I had not interest in watching my mom shave her armpits. Maybe I was a lesbian long before I even thought possible. Halla. Either way. This makes me want to get a house, get my girl wifed, and put money in the bank to support some rugrats. I think it's almost time.

Coco...the baby bear or deer

This dog has to be the best cuddler on the planet. I swear she is human sometimes. She LOVES to cuddle when she's sleepy. She looks like a baby deer. I think that is how I am going to dress her for halloween. I am so grateful for this dog. Thank you Jesus for this amazing roggie.

May 18th for Lou

"The Temperance card suggests that the timing may be right for sharing your feelings, getting together, creating something new or pouring your heart out, but don't expect a quick fix. This could be the beginning of a creative process of cooperation, diversity, sexual compatibility or testing of the romantic waters, so be prepared to go with the flow or to set new relationship goals that can work for the long term. Patience, trust, compromise and self-control can bring moderate, consistent and stable results as long as you are not afraid to get your feet wet."

Happy Birthday to me?

Nope. Back to the shit birthdays for the rest of my life.

My hearts truth

"God give me strength.
When the phone doesn't ring
and I'm lost in imagining
everything that kind of love is worth
as I tumble back down to the earth"-Bette Middler



I have made a record amount of horrible decisions in my life. I've hurt feelings, broken hearts, lied, yelled when I should have been calm, been flighty when I should have stayed, been cruel to guard my own feelings, been jealous, been rude to hide my emotions, been mean for no good reason, been lazy when I should have been proactive, and been guarded when I should have been open.

I'm grateful for the days that God gives me to realize these mistakes. As much as you don't think so, I do look in the mirror everyday. Every night I pray to be a better person. Some days I am, but some days I'm not the outstanding human being I would love to be. I am wrong, alot. I am difficult, stubborn, and opinionated. It's hard to make me flinch, but easy to make me cry if you know me well enough. I am not an innocent person who does nothing wrong. I am quick to argue when I think I am right. I do admit fault, but there are times when I avoid it.

I'm sorry if you are negatively affected by me. I'm sorry that I am not the person you want me to be. And I'm sorry that I lost that special place that used to be in your heart. Truth is, I can't change who I am. I can only try to be a better person; try to be all the things that you want me to be. I'm sorry if that isn't enough for you. I have given my all. It's a slow process, but I am speeding through as it is.

What I'm trying to say is; I'm sorry I failed. I would rather die than hear one more hateful word from you. Please spare me. I truly can't take it anymore. Maybe one day things will be the way that they are supposed to. Maybe you pushing me away will bring us back together. Maybe I should just sit and wait. Maybe I should do nothing. Maybe I should continue to try. Maybe I should, maybe I should, maybe I should...ask you to see. Maybe you won't want to. Maybe I should stop giving myself hope. I don't think you want me to have it anymore.

I'm sorry. I deserve all the hurt.

Osama Bin Laden Dead

Osama Bin Laden is dead, President Obama announced Sunday night, in a televised address to the nation. His death was the result of a U.S. operation launched today in Abbottabad, Pakistan, against a compound where bin Laden was believed to be hiding, according to U.S. intelligence. After a firefight, a small team of American forces killed bin Laden and took possession of his body, the president said.


Tonight I can report to the American people and the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden,” Obama said during brief remarks at the White House.

“Justice has been done,” he said, in comments that marked a formal end of the manhunt for the most visible and emotionally-charged symbol of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

The president said U.S. intelligence operatives received a tip in August on bin Laden’s whereabouts, which ultimately led to Sunday’s attack. Obama said he determined last week that the U.S. had enough reliable information to take action; by Sunday morning, he had authorized “a small team of Americans” to conduct an operation targeting bin Laden.

“After a fire fight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body,” the president said. “No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties.”

Obama said the 9/11 attacks that bin Laden and his lieutenants orchestrated nearly 10 years ago remain “the worst attack on the American people in our history” and said the images of the crumbling Twin Towers “are seared into our national memory.”

The president emphasized that Americans “did not choose this fight” against al Qaeda, but rather, “it came to our shores.” He praised U.S. military and intelligence professionals for working “tirelessly to achieve this outcome.” To the families of 9/11 victims, he noted that the U.S. has “never forgotten your loss.”

“Tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11,” Obama said. “I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet today’s achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country and the determination of the American people.”

Both Bill Clinton and George W. Bush had targeted bin Laden during their presidencies, and both had failed to either capture him or kill him. The failure to snare bin Laden weighed most heavily, perhaps, on the Bush Administration, which occupied the White House during the 9/11 attacks, and the al Qaeda leader’s killing falls exactly eight years to the day when Bush famously declared “Mission Accomplished” in Iraq.

Bush said in a statement that Obama called him Sunday night to inform him of “the momentous achievement” of bin Laden’s death.

“I congratulated him and the men and women of our military and intelligence communities who devoted their lives to this mission. They have our everlasting gratitude,” Bush said. “The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done.”

Clinton, who was president when the first World Trade Center bombing occurred in 1993, issued a statement calling bin Laden’s death “a profoundly important moment not just for the families of those who lost their lives on 9/11 and in al-Qaida’s other attacks but for people all over the world who want to build a common future of peace, freedom, and cooperation for our children.”

In a conference call with reporters just after President Obama spoke, senior administration officials provided a detailed sketch of how the intelligence on bin Laden’s whereabouts was gathered.

Intelligence officials had been conducting lengthy reconnaissance work prior to receiving their key tip in August. According to senior administration officials, suspected terrorists in custody since 9/11 -- including the attack’s mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed -- identified a courier who had a close relationship with bin Laden.

“This man was one of the few al Qaeda couriers trusted by bin Laden,” one senior administration official said. “They indicated he might be living with and protecting bin Laden. But for years we were unable to identify his true name or his location. Four years ago we uncovered his identity… About two years ago, after months of persistent effort, we identified areas of Pakistan where the courier and his brother operated. Still, we were unable to pinpoint exactly where they lived due to extensive operational security on their part. The fact that they were being so careful reinforced our belief that we were on the right track.”

When the intelligence community finally pinpointed the courier’s location, they were “shocked by what we saw,” said this official.
The neighborhood in Abbottabad was “relatively affluent with lots of retired military,” this official continued, and was insulated from urban areas or places susceptible to natural disaster and terrorist attacks. The home was “roughly eight times larger than the other homes in the area,” and it was surrounded by 12-to-18-foot-high walls, topped with barbed wire. It had two security gates and a value of roughly $1 million, although it lacked telephone and Internet connections.
And even more telling clue for intelligence operatives: The occupants of the house were burning their trash rather than putting it out for collection.

one senior administration official suggested bin Laden had been staying at the compound for at least six months without moving. Bin Laden was known to have regularly shifted locations to evade capture, so it’s unusual that he chose to stay in on spot for such an extended period.

More recently, the Obama administration had reduced the number of drone strikes in the area -- while ramping up surveillance -- in an effort to give the al Qaeda leader a heightened sense of safety in his home.

Prior to the operation, Obama convened nine meetings with his national security team to review intelligence. According to a White House aide, “Principals met formally an additional five times themselves and their deputies met seven times.”
The president made the decision to undertake the operation at 8:20 a.m. on April 29th in the White House’s Diplomatic Room before he left to survey tornado damage in Alabama. Tom Donilon, his National Security Advisor, prepared the formal orders and convened the principals at 3 p.m. that same day to complete the planning.

The next day, without giving off a hint of the weighty operation being planned, Obama prepared for and delivered his address at the annual White House Correspondent's Association dinner. The next morning he played nine holes of golf.

Final preparations were made on Sunday. At 2 p.m., the president met with top advisers for an hour and half, at which point he returned to the Situation Room for an additional briefing. Twenty minutes after that, he learned that bin Laden had been “tentatively identified.” By 7 p.m. he was told it was highly probable that bin Laden was at the compound. By 8:30 p.m., he received an additional briefing. He signed off on the attack after that.
No other intelligence operatives in other countries were told of the attack before it occurred -- including Pakistani operatives -- according to administration officials. Vice President Joseph Biden informed congressional leadership of the attack shortly before it took place, aides on the Hill told the Huffington Post.

Details about the fight itself are still difficult to come by. According to local reports in Pakistan, a helicopter involved in the attack had a mechanical problem and crashed.

U.S. forces intentionally destroyed the remainder of the wreckage to reduce signs of their presence in the area , according to NBC and other media reports. Two helicopters remained to provide cover for Joint Special Operations Command forces; in addition, there was a predator drone.
The fight lasted only 40 minutes and was described by a senior administration official as a “surgical raid” conducted by a Navy Seals unit. Bin Laden's adult son was killed, as were two of his couriers and a woman being used as a human shield. Bin Laden himself “did resist the assault force,” a senior administration official said. Reports on Sunday night said the terrorist leader was ultimately shot in the head.

Officials warned that in the aftermath of the attack, Americans should be on alert for a reprisal from al Qaeda. However, one official added, there were “no specific threats" as of Sunday night. ABC News reported that authorities plan to bury bin Laden’s body at sea in order to leave no definitive location for his final resting place. It will be done, an official added, “in accordance with Islamic practice and tradition." Hours later, CNN reported that the burial had taken place.

"Americans understand the costs of war," Obama said toward the end of his remarks. "Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies."

TONI AND XAN BABY

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Socks

Make up your mind. Socks UP or DOWN.

Stickers on Cars

I literally have no words.