Toilet Paper

Now, I know what you're thinking...who writes about toilet paper? Well, I wanted to expose something that many people come across but barely speak of...The infamous I'm on the toilet and there is NO toilet paper in sight situation. I have experienced this many times. More than I would like to say...Have you ever been to a friends house, drink a few beers (or water) and use their bathroom (John, Can, Shitter, Toilet, The Lou..whatever you call it)? I'm sure many would answer, "Why, yes of course; on many occasions." Ok here is part 2 of the question: How many of those time have their been not even a hint of toilet paper anywhere near the bathroom? I'm sure some can answer that it has at least happened once.

What a terrifying situation!! Even worse if your dropped a duece duece at your buddy's place. You find yourself looking for other objects to "clean yourself" with. Almost anything will do, but you have to be picky about what you use. For instance, an old dingy sock would be a last resort kind of option. Trust me...you do not want to go there.
So...what do you do??-Do you start crying? Wipe with the bathroom rug that has 70's fuzzy all over it? Dial 911? Start practicing magic to see if you can get a magic toilet paper roll to appear out of thin air? Say there is a bomb in the house so that everyone will evacuate? All of these are good options, but not the ones you want to use. The option that you SHOULD use is PROFANITY. --Sounds weird right? But it's true. If you insult your friend for not having toilet paper in the bathroom, it takes the embarrasment away from the fact that you have a doody bottom. For example, "Hey MotherTrucker, can your broke @$$ not afford to accomadate some Toilet paper in your bathroom? What if your mother came over?? Would you want her to wipe with her T-Shirt?!? Come on punk @$$ pass me a roll!" Your friends will re-direct laughter to your friend who has not supplied toilet paper in the bathroom, and this will leave you with a doody free bottom.

Now, the thing about the whole I'm on the toilet and there is NO toilet paper in sight situation...you NEVER EVER forget whose house you were at when this occurred. Sometimes the poor "bathroom" host deserves a reputation for never having any toilet paper in his home, and these people should have a wall of toilet paper built around their front door. I think the message would be sent fairly clear.

Now for those of you who have the bad toilet paper rep, that do not deserve it. Keep your head up. Buy some extra doody clean up (Toilet paper) put it underneath your sink so that your guests will not have to humiliate you. Or even worse TP your house. Good luck on all your Toilet paper endeavors, and remember that it is MOST important to have an ample supply of toilet paper to avoid all social embarrasments.

Disclaimer: No toilet paper was harmed in the making of this Blog. Brought to you by Fat Kid