I feel sad for you.

        
That you were only real on paper. And the internet.

Not that it affected me, because in reality your fakeness did me a favor.
Thank you for Lying to me, Making me feel worthless, Making me feel ugly, Making me feel incapable, Making me feel the need to constantly give and never receive, Making me see that money was the only thing that kept you happy with me, Making up lies to other women so they would feel sorry for you, Thank you for flirting with other females when we were together, thank you for sexting other women, thank you for making me out to be a monster, thank you for making me feel like I was the problem, Thank you for separating me from everyone who loved me, Thank you for being jealous about EVERY SINGLE female in my life, Thank you for forcing me to come out to my Father when I told you for 3 years it was up to me, Thank you for every time you dumped water, soda, and iced tea all over me because I wouldn’t give you your way, Thank you for the mental, emotional, and verbal abuse, oh and Thank you for trying to pay your bills with my credit card.

Thanks to you, I guarded myself. I met a lot of crazy girls who did a lot of crazy things for me. And when the smoke cleared; I found myself.

Thank you. Without you trying to ruin me, I never would have found  me.

Hurricane Sandy

Isn't it crazy how things happen? I mean the weather is just absolutely nuts. Even though we don't see the weather down here in the Southwest doesn't mean that we don't have our very own storms at home. I have 2 friends who are extremely close to my heart. They are family to me in every light. They have been going through a whirlwind of emotions and heartache due to infertility. It has been an amazing thing to watch this couple go through so much yet be the strong and courageous people that they are right now. Quita and Inez have decided to reach out to the blogging world for support. I would like to share some of their story by giving you their URL to their blog.

Please check them out. Any support given is appreciated and loved.

 The Chiquita and Inez Journey

Google my name

There is entirely too much information that comes us. Everything from my job to social networking profiles, to old modeling information. I haven't modeled in YEARS. AND it was one time. And, I'm really not that cute. I think Maisha (the owner) had a mini crush on me. That's likely it.  Google is a trip though. Images from way back. Some mildly embarrasing. Some I would not like to recollect...but hey. Thanks google for keeping track of my whole online life.  Someone telling you that they googled is weird and cool at the same time though. It's we-ool. That is called a 'portmanteau' which is a combination of two words to make one word. It's like word intercourse. I didn't have to look up the meaning of portmanteau because I was in 'gifted' classes in high school and was forced to learn and use new vocabulary. I am also known as a nerd. Sometimes a sexy nerd, but you can just call me "Lou." Kthanksbye

Halllllllla

Taurus Horoscope

Here I go

She has changed me. I have changed her.

It's beautiful. Or is it?

My horoscope for today

"The Eight of Pentacles card suggests that you might feel ready to take things to the next level, but you need to find your groove or be prepared to put your all into whatever material, financial, sexual or other labor of love you are working on. Send love notes, stick with what or who you know and take a hands-on approach to self-expression. Prepare to put your time and focus into streamlining the final details of this matter. Add your own personal touches, for it may be part of a lasting mark. Line up your options, for your creations could be put out there. Even in a buyer's market, you can prove yourself to be a pearl beyond price."


I wanna be a bright shiny pearl LMFAO

I'm on a mission

I'm left alone with my thoughts most nights.
My mind racing with terrifying frights.
Intuition hasn't been wrong yet.
I know the real you; you seem to forget.

You want her.
You say you don't
You want her.
You say you don't.

Don't make me fall all over myself wondering why.
You should leave me because of me; not for a sky.
You always deny things when you think it won't work out for you.
I need you to know that I can no longer be your number two.

You want her.
You say you don't.
You want her.
You say you don't.

Just tell me the truth.
I'm not bullet proof.
But I know that I deserve to know.
If I'm not the reason you glow.

Raw

I would never normally admit this, but I cancelled not because I didn't think I could do it. But because I don't think that you thought I was able to.

4 days

I almost went a month without posting on here. Boy oh boy has my life been really nutty. In March I lost a friend of mine. Sabrina Blackie. She lost her battle to Lukeimia. It has been really hard on me, it makes me analyze the people in my life, and makes me think 7 times about what I want to do. Sabrina passed on March 26, 2012 she was only 29. On May 13, 2012 I lost another friend Beth Furedy. An amazing person who was a good friend to me in high school. She was only 26. On May 14th I lost my Grandfather, Harvey Williams. He was 87. His passing was completely unexpected. No pain. Just passed away peacefully which is such a blessing, but that doesnt stop me from missing my Papa with everything in me. 3 people in 2 months. Man. I'm tired of crying.

Deena and I made a promise to each other recently. To live life like we should. Smile more, and laugh more. Take more time away from stress. I'm really trying to do that. Problem is, bills continue to pile on top of us. Day after day I have to find a way to pay for something somehow. I make good money. I really do, but will all the deposits from City of Phoenix water, gas, trash, and sewer I'm paying an extra $500 just on deposits. Sheesh. Can I get a breather folks? I'm really trying to find something that I can do on nights or weekends. Extra cash so that we can take the vacation that we've always dreamed of. Jamaica. Oh boy, how badly we want this. We have 7 months to save $5000. We really want it.

I'm saddened, and happy all at the same time. I feel a presence looking over me, and I am so greatful. But I wish that I would have been a better granddaughter and a better friend. It was hard getting from Phoenix to West Virginia. I'm so lucky that I got to go out there in October. And I'm lucky I got to spend time with my family during this hard time. I can hear a change in my Granny's voice. Almost as if she doesnt know what to do with herself. I'm beside myself when I say that I don't know what to do. I'm the problem solver of the family, and I have no idea how to handle this. How can you tell a woman that after 66 years of marriage that they wont wake up together or eat a hot meal together? She's lonely, and I can hear it. I just hope that I don't lose her too. I have 8 immediate family members. No cousins, no neices or nephews. Just my parents, 1 sister, 2 uncles,  1 aunt, and my Grandmother.

All I want to do is to be able to pick up and leave with Deena to go out there. How great that would be. If anyone knows of a part time position in Phoenix let me know. I'm up for it. I need a change in our lives, immediately.

Sorry for the rant, and this is probably the most information I have ever shared on here, but I need to let it off my chest. I just want to be successful, and I want my family to know that I am here even though I am 2000+ miles away.

The things that bring light in my dark space

Corporate tattooing

I LOVE that I can get tattoos and still look corporate. Sometimes I wish I had a million dollars just to spend on fixing my old jenky tattoos.

I am super excited for a vacation. Well needed and well deserved. I have been up to my eyes in work lately. I need a week of fun in Las Vegas. I think that everyone in their lifetime should be in Vegas for 1 week. It's so fun to be out there that long. The only thing I really have to worry about is Deena blowing all her money in the first day...but I'm going to try to keep her in check. Halllla.

I hope that everyone is having an awesome March! Smile today. Youre a bright, amazing, talented person. Even if you dont know it!

For anyone who needs to hear it.