4 days

I almost went a month without posting on here. Boy oh boy has my life been really nutty. In March I lost a friend of mine. Sabrina Blackie. She lost her battle to Lukeimia. It has been really hard on me, it makes me analyze the people in my life, and makes me think 7 times about what I want to do. Sabrina passed on March 26, 2012 she was only 29. On May 13, 2012 I lost another friend Beth Furedy. An amazing person who was a good friend to me in high school. She was only 26. On May 14th I lost my Grandfather, Harvey Williams. He was 87. His passing was completely unexpected. No pain. Just passed away peacefully which is such a blessing, but that doesnt stop me from missing my Papa with everything in me. 3 people in 2 months. Man. I'm tired of crying.

Deena and I made a promise to each other recently. To live life like we should. Smile more, and laugh more. Take more time away from stress. I'm really trying to do that. Problem is, bills continue to pile on top of us. Day after day I have to find a way to pay for something somehow. I make good money. I really do, but will all the deposits from City of Phoenix water, gas, trash, and sewer I'm paying an extra $500 just on deposits. Sheesh. Can I get a breather folks? I'm really trying to find something that I can do on nights or weekends. Extra cash so that we can take the vacation that we've always dreamed of. Jamaica. Oh boy, how badly we want this. We have 7 months to save $5000. We really want it.

I'm saddened, and happy all at the same time. I feel a presence looking over me, and I am so greatful. But I wish that I would have been a better granddaughter and a better friend. It was hard getting from Phoenix to West Virginia. I'm so lucky that I got to go out there in October. And I'm lucky I got to spend time with my family during this hard time. I can hear a change in my Granny's voice. Almost as if she doesnt know what to do with herself. I'm beside myself when I say that I don't know what to do. I'm the problem solver of the family, and I have no idea how to handle this. How can you tell a woman that after 66 years of marriage that they wont wake up together or eat a hot meal together? She's lonely, and I can hear it. I just hope that I don't lose her too. I have 8 immediate family members. No cousins, no neices or nephews. Just my parents, 1 sister, 2 uncles,  1 aunt, and my Grandmother.

All I want to do is to be able to pick up and leave with Deena to go out there. How great that would be. If anyone knows of a part time position in Phoenix let me know. I'm up for it. I need a change in our lives, immediately.

Sorry for the rant, and this is probably the most information I have ever shared on here, but I need to let it off my chest. I just want to be successful, and I want my family to know that I am here even though I am 2000+ miles away.