Step Parenting

I think 1 of the hardest jobs in the world short of being a birth parent, is being a step parent. I see how much effort Darlene puts into raising the right way. I love all of her efforts. It's not easy to watch as I tend to get frustrated when she isn't standing up straight or following direction. I just remember my childhood so much differently. I remember the "Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am" like it was yesterday. It took me 1 time to realize that I couldn't sass my mother without consequence. It gave me an understanding for respect. Some kids just don't have that these days.

It's hard to know my place. I don't want to discipline. I'm not her mother, but I will absolutely not be disrespected, and even more so I will not allow her to disrespect her mother. That is a big no no in my house. But where do I draw the line? Where do I stop and start? It's such a gray area.

Over the weekend Darlene and I did some major house cleaning. Nic moved out and Nina moved in. I wanted to make sure we were de-cluttered as I can't live like that. We unpacked every tote, every box. Put away all the things that needed a home. It felt really good to get that out of the way. I can't live in a dirty house. Over the years my knack for being clean has really taken a high note.

During this extreme clean I had  help with some items. Since she's 8 I wasn't going to hand her the bleach and a mop and tell her to use her best judgment. I asked her to dust 2 shelves that needed attention. Dust is #1 in Phoenix. And it rolls in. Each shelf was no more than 4 shelves, so this task was quickly complete. The next was sweeping off the back porch. This is where the fun began. As we walked to the back door together I asked to sweep the back porch off since there was a fair amount of dirt and leaves from the recent rainfall. She asked why I would clean something that is outside. She said "It's outside, it's supposed to be dirty out here." She had a hard time seeing the importance of being cleanly in all areas of the house. I explained that the dogs spend time out back and so do we, especially when we have company. It's important that everyone feels comfortable. If it's dirty no one will want to be out here. She argued more about how dirt and leaves were SUPPOSED to be there. I restated my request to sweep then shut the sliding glass door. Sometimes my temper gets to me. I just want to say, "Do it because I told you to, and stop arguing. You are not getting out of this!." But you can't do that with 8 year olds. They are like the terrible 2's only they know how to do much more arguing than just "No!" So you have to explain things. Sometimes over and over and over again. Even if you know that it has registered in their brains as logical, you must still stand there and reiterate it because they will still argue if they don't want to do something.

Eventually the sweeping began.  is by no means a seasoned sweeper. Which is ok. That comes with time and experience. I just wanted the effort. So when I came to the back to check on her and move furniture and boxes I saw her playing with the dirt. Let's face it, chores are boring. I don't like doing them either, but at what point do you just say, "If I do this right and fast I'll be all done and I can watch tv or hang out." I came outside to help her, and as she realizes that she is caught for playing, so she complains of an ailment. Any ailment will do to get her out of chores, and she knows that. Do I let her off the hook? Do I send her inside to relax with her "achy leg"? Nope. I have her shake out a rug which throws her into full panic mode. "I'm hungry! No one has fed me today!" Which is only funny since before the dusting began she wolfed down 3 pancakes and 2 pieces of bacon; this was all within 30 minutes of her exclamation of being starved. You hurt my leg by making me shake out a rug! I'm telling my MOM!!!!!" "I'm thirsty! My throat hurts!" "I'm tired" "I have an itch" ....Jesus save me.

Mom comes to the rescue. She knows exactly what to say and do to stop the craziness. I stay quiet and continue to work while I fanaticize about sending her to her room with no electronics for the rant. Is that wrong? Am I jerk for all this? I don't think so, but I don't want to be the evil step parent in her life. So where is this fucking line, and where the hell can I draw it?

Broke now - Rich Later

My generation has a lack of focus when it comes to being debt free. I know far too many who hold giant credit card balances, car notes, student loans, defaulted bills, and miscellaneous debt that they attempt to ignore. You can do that, but me. No thanks.

Darlene and I have been working very hard since 2015 to pay off old balances, pay for items on our own, and strive to be a debt free household. In the 2015 year we spent $19,978 on becoming debt free. This also included paying for our own wedding (which was beautiful and anyone looking for a venue in AZ should check out Virginia's House) and honeymoon.  It took a lot. A lot of bargaining.  A lot of couponing at Michael's craft store for wedding invitations, favors, and odds and ends. We really made out like bandits.

2016 is no different. $7,404 has been spent towards making a better life for my little family. We are $13,453 away from getting the biggest debt of my lifetime behind me. After that there is student loans of $15,000. Which, if you ask a graduated student, this is very minimal debt. Allow me to put things into perspective.

                   We need to get to December to pay off the big debt for this year. This will save us from a $1,430 payment on a monthly basis. On top of regular pay period surplus, we will be saving over $2,000 a month. That's a ton of money to put into savings. That also means that between a child tax refund and that savings, we could be debt free as early as April 2017. - Challenge Accepted.


This all means living like you're broke. Minimal Surplus spending every pay day and super wise spending. Luckily for us we have found ways to still have fun without breaking the bank. We saw 112, Dru Hill, and Floetry for $20. Not bad seats either. Worst was 20th row. Mercury games for free, baseball games for cheap. I even saw my very first Yankee game. Tickets were $100 a seat in our section and I paid $130 for 4 tickets. Hallelujah. And the Yanks won. Yessssir.

We have 2 deep freezers stock piled. A pantry space stock piled, and a willingness to not owe anyone any money after mid 2017. Get it together Millennials. We need to step up the game.