I have to Trust in God

That is so much easier said than done.

Today I feel pretty helpless and am trying not to show it. Darlene's vision is the worst it has ever been. She cannot drive, cannot read text messages, and cannot see the TV. At times, she can use a magnifying glass to read text, but even then it is difficult. I have 3 people taking RJ to school this week. I know that this is going to throw her off which is not fun.

We went into the Eye Doctor on the 23rd. She received the best form of medicine, Lucentis. There has been steady digression with no improvement whatsoever. When they took photos of her eye there were 2 lines that were not steady. There used to be 1, now there are 2.

Did I say it was hard to trust what God has planned for us? Well, it is. It's selfish to say, but I am struggling with imagining that my wife won't have the ability to see our travels. See RJ grow up, Us grow old, or new things. I know it's selfish because this feeling must be a thousand times worse for her. I just can't even imagine what she's experiencing.

She cooked all day on Thanksgiving. I got up really early and make a bacon weave for the turkey and setup the smoker. She maintained everything in the home all day long. There was a point in the night where she was looking at me, but she wasn't able to make eye contact with me. She couldn't find my eyes. That moment fed panic through my body. How will I do this on my own if things get worse? How will I get RJ to school? Will Darlene be able to work? What about our health insurance? What do I do if she can't work and I put them on my health insurance? Mine is nowhere as good has hers. Will she digress in health with subpar health providers?

Jesus, help us. Help my wife. Help her vision please Lord God. I need her to see, please God, please.
I am trusting in You, but I will not lie, this is seriously difficult. I know that You have steadily dropped hints. I have seen the messages this weekend, and I am begging you to please let her see. Please heal her Lord. We are faithful. We will follow. Please help her. I am begging.