Swagnificent

Good gravy lady. I have not been on here since I left for WV. I should have some pictures to post from my trip. Until then I will leave you with the one that I took last night. I hit up the town (Ross, and Fry's grocery) last night and wanted to do it BIG. nah. Not really. I just remember all the busted people I see that I know, and I didn't want that busted person to be me last night. I haven't kept up with my game lately. That's over now. I have returned. Thank you. No applause needed. Just <3 and Support. Have a Swagnificent day!

Enjoy the Silence

I will be gone to West Virginia from Thursday until next Saturday. I am going to see my Grandparents. They haven't seen me in 10 years. We will be in the sticks. No mansland. Basically cut off from all services that I am used to. (FB, tumblr, cell service) My sister and Mother are out there now. My grandparents have no idea that I will be coming. I hope that they enjoy this surprise.


I will be touching down in a ton of major cities throughout my Red eye flight. Lots of stops. :/ It will be an experience for sure. If anything happens to me, I want the world to know 5 things:


1-I am not perfect. I make a hundred million mistakes on the daily.

2-I love music, and wished now that I would have locked my hair up and riddled myself with tattoos.

3-I love Jesus.

4-I really enjoy writing. I'm traveling with a notebook. It has all my secrets in it.

5-If I could do anything over in life, it would be my relationship. I'm so sad that things didn't work out. And if you don't know that I am madly in love with you, then I don't know what to say. I would die for you. Honestly truly. I miss you. Forever.

Swag

I got 99 problems, but my sway aint one. When Deena and I went to Vegas we stopped at one of the little shops in the outlets. They had some T's that we liked, so Deena took these home and ripped them up for me. They look good. She took this photo last night when we were having a coca cola bottle movie night. Good times. I miss her. Even though she is next to me, I only hope that the future still sees us together. I don't want to lose her. She is the best thing.

Incendies Letters

Incendies is an Independent film that came out in 2010. It's about a Mother who passed on, and left letters behind for her children. In order for the children to receive the letters, they had to go on a quest to find the meaning behind their lives. Very intruiging and touching film.

This movie has inspired me to write letters. Thursday evening I am venturing across the country to see my Grandparents, Aunt, and Uncle for the first time in 10 years. I've had a ton going on in my life. Between moving out of our condo, and making a million life changes; I fear that the Break up between Deena and I may be permanent. I think that she knows that I love her. At least she tells me that she does.

I want to write letters. To her, and to my family. In the event that something happens to me; I want her to know what I feel and why. I want her to know that I am sorry for all of the things that went wrong, and all of the things that made her upset.

I don't often share my feelings like this. Forgive me this once. But if you have ever lost someone due to you. Due to stupid mistakes, then I bet you will understand what I'm feeling. I can't lose her. She is the only woman that I want to have children with, the only woman I want to make a home with. The only woman that I want to eat dinner with everyday. The only woman I want to go to Vegas with. The only woman who I want to make love to. The only woman I want to tell about my day. Life seems to empty without those thoughts. They are empty without those thoughts.

I wish I could stop crying about it. It seems that I can't go a day without beating myself up. This isn't healthy. I've never done this before. I've never felt like this before, and that scares me the most. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that nothing will ever be the same. Look for a letter if anything ever happens to me. If you weren't sure if I loved you then, you will know now.

Out.