Monday in the Hanemaayer house

Good morning,

Happy Monday!

All weekends seem to fly by when they happen in my house! This weekend was filled with some much needed relaxation, laundry doing, and bargain hunting. My daughter received her progress reports on Friday. While she is a pretty smart kid, she doesn't like to do homework. So when I ask did you get this done in class?- the answer is often "yes" no matter if it is true or false.  got a reality check this weekend when her progress report reflected numerous missing assignments. We talked a lot about what trust means, and how that she has not only lost privileges (tv, electronics, etc.) but she has also lost mine and Darlene's trust. I explained that due to her not being honest I will now be early to pick her up from school, meeting her at her classroom where she will need to show me that an assignment has been completed before being able to check it off the list. This was a big struggle for her. I have a feeling she was going to attempt to get away with
the behavior again. I also explained some realities. Such as, if I were to not complete items at my job, we wouldn't have a house to live in, cars to drive, food to eat. We talked a lot about responsibilities and how school work is preparation for life just as a career is a stepping stone. -- that was my not so fun part of the weekend.

The remainder of the weekend was spent on a Saturday poker tournament. This was not for money, so just for fun. It gave Darlene and I an opportunity to see friends that we haven't had an opportunity to see out due to our busy schedule. We both did horribly, but neither of us minded seeing as how there were no real stakes on the line. It was a fun tournament that lacked seriousness. Sometimes those are needed to keep the game fresh.

We also did some light shopping. This always includes a pinterest  meal that Darlene saw. As you may remember, Darlene and I are going through a lifestyle change. We are more food conscious, and we work out 5-6 nights a week. Currently the rule is no intentional carbs (breads, pastas) and no processed foods. Also portion control. That was about the first 2 weeks. The last 3 weeks have obtained calorie tracking (notice how I didn't say counting?) to ensure that we have goals. I think the brain is a funny thing. When you're trying to "quit" something I think we naturally make things harder on ourselves, and often self sabotage. I have taken a different approach with this by calling it a lifestyle change instead of a diet. If I order a salad at dinner on a night out with friends I get the "are you on a diet?" questions, to which I reply, "No, just making better decisions." I think it makes it easier. I'm not giving myself these crazy restrictions. Just
making choices that will better my future. I also think that it will teach Raynie how to eat "cleaner" when she's older. She's already a healthy kid. We want to match her health so we can all do things together. Go on hikes, bike rides, play sports. All of the above.

Part of our weekend was also spent going through the ads. We didn't purchase any newspapers this week due to the coupon count being so low. $146 in savings is really pitiful for a Sunday paper. I only purchase the ones that are above $225. Anything over $300 and I am dragging the whole family out to buy papers with me. However, we did go online and pull up store ads together to see where we could get the best deals. This takes about an hour. We write down a wish list. Where we can get it, and how much. Then we write the needed list (as this often differs from the wish list). Then we set out. Our best deals were found at Food City this weekend. Pinto beans (high in fiber, and protein) were on sale $0.69 a pound. We purchased 3 pounds which will last us weeks. We also picked up some granny smith apples. These are great for treats as all you need to do is bake them with a bit of cinnamon to make a healthy dessert.

Next came the meal prepping. We purchase the egg white cartons from Costco. They are super cost effective, and make super healthy meal options. On Sundays I will starting making breakfasts for 3 days in the week. This typically includes 2 egg white meals each which can include, plain egg white omelet, spinach omelet, or mushroom omelet. I cook, and store these in separate contains which makes it easy to walk out the door with. This ensures that I don't have to eat off of the lunch truck (often runs $10+ a day and who knows how many calories) and also ensures that I am getting a meal in which I know the ingredients. After breakfast is completed, Darlene will step in and make some proteins and veggies. We rely on chicken and fish as they have the lowest calorie count, and a high protein count. she will often make 4 days worth of protein. This prevents the snacking while something is being cooked as often there is a meal ready to go. We do have snack foods
though for the in-betweens. Carbmasters yogurts, almonds, and occasionally string cheese. Although we try to avoid too much dairy. I will include a picture of the meal prep from the weekend.

This Friday will be an exciting Friday for us. I know that I have talked about it's fun for me to pay bills. I really do mean that. There is a satisfaction of knowing that I can do it, that makes it so nice. This Friday I get paid for courier work that I did over the Valentines' Day weekend. There is a flower shop here in Phoenix that pays $6 a delivery for flower arrangements, or edible arrangements. The job is pretty tough. I am lucky and have built a good relationship with the folks who work there, and at times get some favored treatment as I am the fastest contractor they have. I typically do double what any other driver does. Which is great for me. Usually these courier jobs pay for vacations. Last week we spend a week in Las Vegas. We paid for the flight, hotel, care rental, food passes, shows, boarding, and house sitter all 3 months in advance. We took the trip in May, and was paid in February. By the time the trip came around, all we needed was spending money as everything else was already paid for. This year the money will be needed for necessities. I need 2 new tires on my SUV. They are not cheap since they have 20" rims. The tire retails for $190. I usually take it to Discount tire, and talk them down to about $150 a tire. I'm hoping to continue to haggle with them. Then I will be taking my car to my mechanic for a tune up, oil change, and brake job. Almost my entire courier check will go to this. The best part though, is that I was paid at my real job since I took vacation. This means I am not losing any more. It means that I worked the courier job to ensure that we have a great running vehicle at all times. The next run will be in May for Mother's day. My 30th birthday is this May. this means that the courier work will be funding a 30th celebration. It is really nice to have things like that. It makes other events possible.

Hope you're having a great Monday.


Lou

Fun time in the Hanemaayer household

I have had some serious time fly by in the last year. I feel like the older I get, the more rounded I become. In 2014, we enrolled  in a new elevated school. I would love to have sent her to Phoenix Christian, but the $1200 monthly payments are just not feasible when we are trying so hard to purchase a home this year. The school is great, and I have successfully developed relationships with the school staff, and Administration. I can feel the high level of respect that they have for Darlene and I. That is not something that we felt at any point at Simis. I thank God that we found her new school. Lots of changes too. is so smart. She skipped from 3rd grade to 4th grade during the first Quarter of school. It was a serious accomplishment. I had proud step mom moment.

The house looks great! I think we are furniture'd out. We have taken major strides to ensure that we have our stuff together. In 2014 we purchased new furniture, including a gorgeous bed for our Cal King, and an amazing couch.  even got a brand new bed. The queen we had her in, was too big for her room. We went to Nick's furniture and bought her an amazing leather bed. Much more space, and a really sharp bed to go with her new dressers and desk.

Home searches are underway. We have started to take steps to ensure that we are ready and available for the home buying process. I am excited that I have someone that I can trust to go on this journey with me. I feel so blessed to have Darlene. She is my sunshine. My ray of light in a dark place. My confidant, my true partner. I can't wait to marry her in August!


More to follow as I really need to get back into blogging. Enjoy your Wednesday. Stay Blessed!

Paloma Ford - Hit Of You

Music is my saving grace as of late.



Darlene and I are spearheading her eye and nerve issues. We are going to beat this if it takes everything from me.



We are making plans to head to Vegas this week. I'm excited to relax.



In June we are going to head to Laughlin for a satellite tournament. 1st place is an entry into the 2014 World Series of Poker OR $8000. That would be a tough decision. Cashes start at 50 players or left. I almost wish that Harrahs wouldn't send out email like this so others didn't know. lol. That's me being selfish. I can feel my poker game changing. I am much more patient, and I am going to learn how to play when I'm card dead if it kills me.



Wish us fruitful luck in life and in poker.

Busy life of a step parent

Things have gone crazaaaay. Dar and I have been so busy that we have seriously neglected our regular lives. My birthday was the first time we have had an opportunity for social interaction in nearly a month. The house looks insane. I need some help, but it seems so far away. Between 2nd grade classes, dress rehearsals, dinners, and life there is just no time.

I've had the biggest scares of my life recently. Dar could be going blind. She has lost central vision in her left eye, and is missing chunks of vision in her right. The retinal Doctor we saw the other day has high hopes for recovery, but there are serious hurdles in our path. The pseudo tumors have built pressure. Instead of steroids helping, it could make the pseudo tumors worse thus creating a crappy quality of life full of debilitating migraines and more loss of vision. I need prayer so badly. I ask God everyday to bless our little family and guide us on the path that has been designed for us. It's scary. I can't imagine how we would make things work if my woman was blind. I need her to have eye sight. Not to mention so does our daughter.

I really need you Lord. Please bless Darlene and the doctors working with us to get her healed. Lead us in the direction that you need so that we may glorify you God. We need you more than ever. Thank you for your blessings. She has been the biggest blessing of my life. There is literally no bigger gift that I could have ever received. She's my match; thank you. Please help us with her vision. Please please. I am begging you Lord.

#AskAmy

It's not the first time Dickinson’s column has gone viral. Back in November, a father wrote explaining that his 17-year-old son was gay and that he was concerned about how his church friends would react. The father wrote, “He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years — I have a busy work schedule. Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you.”


Dickinson’s response: "You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice — to be dictated by one’s parents, the parents’ church and social pressure.”

Simply amazing. I have a new found respect for advice columnists. Go Amy!

SB 1062 in Arizona anti gay law

Arizona SB 1062 was an Arizona bill to amend an existing law to give any individual or legal entity an exemption from any state law if it substantially burdened their exercise of religion, including Arizona law requiring public accommodation.

It was one of several similar bills in U.S. state legislatures allowing individuals to refuse service based on religion, with some bills specifically protecting religious disapproval of same-sex marriage.^[1] It was widely reported as targeting LGBT people, although sexual orientation is already unprotected by Arizona law.^[2] Critics noted that it would have broadly denied anyone service on religious grounds. Supporters argued that it was simply restoring the legal status of the right to free exercise of religion as intended by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.^[3]
The bill was passed by the Republican-controlled state legislature.

Last night, I sat in my living room with my partner by my side, and my step daughter in the bath tub. I mention my step daughter because this law would affect her too. Part of me wanted her to see history being made since this has been such a controversial issue. The other part of me feared that this would be vetoed, and I did not want her to understand at the age of 7 what this would all mean.

My girlfriend and I spent a week sharing posts over Facebook and social media. Writing emails to our legislature, and encouraging the LGBT community to do the same. I have been in debate after debate with people who have no knowledge and understanding of what this bill could do. It targeted the gay community. It also set a precedent that if you own a business, and someone walks through the door who is not like you, it would be legal to refuse them service based on their race, sex, or sexual orientation. Arizona sounds like a fun place to live, right?

In addition to everything happening there was an outpour from the LGBT community. Carol Foyler, a Tea Party Republican who supported the anti-gay law, said that the startling bombshell that gays play a role in the state’s economy put her and her fellow lawmakers “in a tight spot.” “Quite frankly, we were blindsided by this,” she said. “We had no idea that gays had money and bought things just like regular people do.”  Apparently us gays get by on bowls of glitters and cups of rainbows. I'm just baffled that this is the perception that we have. How people don't know that we are Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses, Police officers, fire fighters, Judges, and other esteemed career based positions is beyond me.

The damage is done in Arizona. Al Melvin has a video with Anderson Cooper that I recommend watching. It is unbelievable the amount of questions that he dodges. He tried to make Anderson sound foolish with his legitimate questions. Al Melvin fails miserably, then declares his candidacy for Governor. Can we say "No fucking thank you Melvin"? Not only does he eventually admit that this law has no basis, he also targets gays and goes on about how gay marriage will never be legal in the state of Arizona.

This law was started by people who feared their "religious rights" could be taken from them. When asked about any businesses that have experienced their rights being taken from them, there was not one single case to back this law up. Law makers argued that in both Oregon and New Mexico Christian business owners were forced to give services to homosexuals (cake decorator, and a wedding photographer). It's sad, and if anyone can tell me how decorating a cake can ruin your moral beliefs; I would entertain a reply.

Arizona has no laws that protects gays and lesbians from discrimination. Fact is, my CEO could walk up to me at any point and tell me that I am fired simply because I am a homosexual. Scary thought. Luckily for me, I don't think that would happen since the company that I work for is not only forward thinking, but also offer same sex couples benefits. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to work here and not some place that discriminates.

It appeared that there was a severe lag in Jan Brewers decision about SB1062. Fact is, she was at a Governor's conference and cut the trip short to address this bill with her staff, lawyers, and businesses that came forward. I would like to thank Delta Airlines, the Phoenix Suns, The Mercruy, Apple, and the NFL for stepping forward. I know that there were more major corporations that backed up the gay agenda. I can't even begin to tell you what your support has meant to every gay and lesbian in the Phoenix and Arizona communities.

The NFL even stepped forward to say that they would be willing to take the Super bowl to another state next year since Arizona was on the list to host the Super bowl for 2015. Wow. What an amazing thing. Can you imagine for the people who are supporters of SB1062 along with being die hard Football fans? Tough spot for you guys? I would hope so. I hope that the impact of the many businesses that stepped forward will forever echo in your mind when you attempt to mess with the rights of a community who is not like you.

I must tell you. According to this bill, I am an oxymoron. I am a Christian lesbian. Didn't think it was possible, well, my  name is Lou. I am 28 years old, I reside in Phoenix AZ, I love Jesus, and my lesbian girlfriend. Nice to meet you. For those who say that this is a moral war, it isn't. As I have said in many of my debates with fellow Christians, we all need to practice love. Jesus didn't turn away Lepers, Whores, different creeds, or even people of different religions. Jesus stated to love everyone. Even your enemies. If you want to uphold your moral war, why not follow the teachings of Jesus? Why avoid it? You state that in the name of Jesus you want homosexuals out of your business, yet Christ teaches to love everyone. Does that also meant that you will shun men and women who are Divorced? What about couples living together out of wedlock? What about unwed mothers? What about promiscuous men and women? Funny how those people aren't mentioned. So you'll make a cake for couple who is getting married because the 18 year old dad got the 18 year old mother pregnant, but won't make a cake for a gay couple who has been together for 10 years? Ah, I see your logic. You have none. Got it.

It's sad, but as a lesbian that lives in Arizona, I have no rights with my partner. We can't get married, we don't have property or estate rights, and adoption is almost impossible. I think that we can all see that discrimination is more alive than it has been in years. I have read forum after forum of people who vocalize their hate for the gay community. Everything from calling us names to telling a bakery exactly how us gays like our cake...I'm still curious how someone like that would know how we like cake. I thought you were no homo, not homo cake advice giver. I haven't felt this discriminated against in a very long time. Most business owners who know me, and I do know a good deal of them could care less about my sexual orientation. Shoot, they even like my girlfriend. We have never been asked to leave, or to act a certain way. Why? Because gays don't threaten the belief systems of anyone.

I am going to get off of my soap box, but I want people to understand that hate is not a way to run a business. Discrimination is not a way to run a business. Equal rights needs to be for all, not all except homosexuals. We are not poor and hungry people who will lay down and allow anyone to trample all over us because you think you have us outnumbered. Try something like this again Arizona, and I think you will have a much bigger issue on your hands.

Thanks,
Management.














































 

Dooms day

I think is rapidly approaching.

The weather in India has tens of thousands running for their lives.

War.

Obamacare.

Government weakened.

We aren't United.

And thanks to Obamacare, Agenda 21 is taking over. Can you imagine...according to Obamacare once you're 76 or older, no one will care for you. No hospitals, no Doctors.

Survival of the fittest is among us.

Dear Generation Y,

It's time to get smart here. If you think for one moment that we aren't in trouble you are so wrong. Let's start thinking about our parents, our grandparents. Our children. The time is now to get things right. I can't afford to waste time. Can you?

Poker Pimpin Team 78

What a night!

After the tournament, these 2 chicks wanted to start a cash game. Dar and I agree to participate, because who can turn down a good ol cash game?? Both had cocky attitudes with lots to say. Good times to say the least. I dont think they were expecting the whirlwind that Dar and I had to give. Little did they know we arent some poker toting newbies. Pfffft. We took their money. Then ran. 12 players. $120.

All that shit talking fell to the way side once I took 2 out of 4 friends out. Then Dar handled the rest. Then there were 3. Dar and I both liked the other guy, so we said let's split it 3 ways. We took home $80.

Boom. Team 78 in the building. Love to play with you ladies again.

Technics SL-MA1

I put my Technics on ebay the other day. Man this thing is super duper cool. Good condition. The table itself plays sometimes right away. Sometimes after many button pushes. I can't believe the quality of this turntable. At this age it is super hard to find anything with a needle on it, let alone something that still works.

My range is really increasing. I'm almost 30. Scary stuff right there. I remember being in my early 20's thinking that anyone over 25 was old. Boy was that dumb. I'm getting to enjoy the simple things in life even though the majority of my time is spent working. I feel like it's non stop lately. No time to write no time to do. Last night was the first night in forever that I got to play poker. I played 3 games. I got sucked out on quite a bit. My game is improving and tonight is a giant tournament. I need to get some rest so that my game is point.

Back to work. Anyone out there in need pf a technics. Find it on ebay. The buy it now is ony $500. Relatively cheap for a $900 turntable.

My Dad circe 1970s

It's unbelievable. My Dad is such a great guy. He sent me some old photos the other day and I was so surprised at how young he looks. Time is everything and I am not wasting mine for a moment longer.

Poker Pimp

Just call me the APT Poker Pimp! I took 1st place in recent tournament. Paid me $25 and a bar tab to Cash Inn. My Ace Queen held up. I went heads up against Terry Barrett. A seasoned Poker player. Lucky for me I'm reading people better and better these days. I finally found something that I LOVE doing.

Just so everyone knows. My amazing girlfriend holds a top spot along with the highest percentage of winning games. Team 78 shutting it down! Good job baby!!

Dasani 2013

Fatty and Tawny Dasani 5 year anniversary was yesterday. 5 years of friendship. Thank you for being my family Tawny!!!

The Poker Pimp of Phoenix APT 2013

I am 34th according to the Alternative Poker Tournament League. I had a proud moment realizing I wasn't 5000000000th. My baby has 11th. She's such a good player. Super sexy watching her do her thing. Hard read. Confident player.

 

I am so thankful for Poker. Without it I may not have met the most amazing woman. Thanks to my sister Tawny. I owe a ton to her. What a great family I have. Most amazing friends, family, and beautifully amazing girlfriend.

 

Thank you God. You are amazing as usual. 

T. Mills - Can't Take your eyes off me lyrics

"Can't Take Your Eyes Off Me"

if looks could kill you'd be a murderer
they say hindsights 20/20
but your eyes are always stunning
it's a tragedy, im a casualty
cause you fell in love with me
(in love with me)

hurt before some years, you just had to get me
everytime i went out my past wouldnt let me
called me 4 times, a couple more times
your body is off the hook, so is my phone line
i wouldnt act distant if you werent persistant
on bein crazy bitch thats why im actin diffrent
run and tell all your friends im a dickhead
and then tell every girl in the world how good
the sex is

if looks could kill you'd be a murderer
they say hindsights 20/20
but your eyes are always stunning
it's a tragedy, im a casualty
cause you fell in love with me
(in love with me)

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wannna
but you can't have me too,too

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wanna
but you can't have me too too too

dispite your best intentions,they were your worst mistakes
girl you eat attention in the worst ways
you thristy and no i wont stay another minute
how you'd think i wouldnt end it
you aint got an once of confidence in you
and i dont have the time to begin to explain
everythings thats on my brain
cause it's obvious you aint gonna change

if looks could kill you'd be a murderer
they say hindsights 20/20
but your eyes are always stunning
it's a tragedy, im a casualty
cause you fell in love with me
(in love with me)

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wanna
but you can't have me too,too

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wanna
but you can't have me too too too

you've gone of the deep end [x4]

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wanna
but you can't have me too,too

you can't take your eyes of me [x2]

you got everything you wanna
but you can't have me too too too

 

 

I love how lyrical T. Mills is. I fall into his music almost every single time I hear something new. I am so thankful for music. It's what I need to get me through this crazy time. 2013 has done some good, but mainly crazy. I'm so thankful for my 78. The glue that holds my head together. I love you Dar. Thank you for putting up with all my craziness.

 

T. Mills - "Pillow Talk" for you Love.

New R&B March 2013

You're welcome. :D

 

CD1-17tracks

**Drake-Good kush and alcohol

**Drake-Fuckin Problems

**Drake-Enough Said

**Chris Brown ft.Fabolous-Ready

**Rick Ross ft. French Montana- Marble floors

**Adrian Marcel-Caught Up

**Adrian Marcel-Real soon

**August Alsina ft. Trinidad James- I love this shit

**August Alsina-Ring the alarm

**August Alsina feat. G.O.O.D. Music's CyHi The Prynce- "Party & Bullshit"

**Drake - Cameras/Good ones go

**Omarion - Arch it up

**Omarion ft. Rick Ross - Let's talk

**Tank ft. Chris Brown-Shots Fired

**Sean Kingston ft. Chris Brown-Beat it

**French Montana-Sanctuary

**Jeremih-Crickets

CD2-

**T. Mills-Asstrology

**T. Mills-Cant Take Your Eyes off me

**T. Mills-Loud

**T. Mills- Pillow Talk

**T. Mills-Hollywood

**T. Mills-Get ready to

**Sammie-Round 2

**Pleasure P-Under

**Miguel-Vixen

**Jeremih-Waiter

**Jaiden-Breakfast

**Miguel-My piece

**Rihanna-Skin

**Justin Timberlake-Suit and Tie

**Will.I.Am ft Britney Spears-Scream and shout

**Chris Brown ft. Tyga-Like a Virgin

**Chris Brown ft. Afrojack-As your friend

**Pleasure P- Say yes (optional)

A Recipe to tackle my heart

I really have no idea how I made it through the fire without you.
Your drive, your demeanor, your ethics, your heart, your brains, your beauty.
A recipe to tackle my heart.
If this isn't it, I don't know what is.


Darlene, I have never been so happy. I look back on my life and wonder how I made it through the craziness. I thought I knew so much. I didn't. Every moment I get to spend with you is a treasure. I look forward to our lives together. I already know that this will be the best experience of my life. Your love is so deep and so hard. Thank you for choosing me.

78.

Love,
Lou

T. Mills Can't Take your Eyes off me

http://youtu.be/b2yoQyGh2qY

APT 2013 Phoenix Poker

 

 

Happiness pours out of my heart. I am so content.

 

Omarion Ft. Rick Ross-Let's talk.

Poker Queen

Life is so very funny. Things work out for the best at the end of the day. I haven't been this happy in God knows how long. My lil poker mama. She makes me laugh. Makes me smile. Makes me food at any time of day. This morning she woke me up with a home made waffle and coffee. I haven't had someone want to take care of me in a hot minute.

Dar, you are so very good to me. Thank you so very much. You take care of me. You make things right. Smiles. Surprises. You are just so amazing. You are a big part of my future. Thank you for sticking around. XOXO

My reflection

All you have done and will do, don't matter here.

The words pouring from your lips are so very clear.

Lay your head on my shoulder as the cards fly over.

So lucky to be near you, four leafed clover.

Consider the reflection staring back in my direction.

I'll gladly sit here gathering this collection of affection.

You are that Summer time fine, like cold wine and alpine.

I love the time I spend on getting to know you.

I found someone worth me coming through.

What more can I say?

Welcome to the land of FK.

7-8

How can I stand here and not be moved by you?

You could be the light to my soul.
You could be my purpose, my reason to smile when the light hits my eyes.
You calm my heart.
You have me in the palms of your hands.
How can I stand here and not be moved by you?

If anyone told me that this could get better, I would tell them "I can't handle it."
I'm bursting at the seams.
How could it be, that a single action turns my life in a different direction?
It's you. All because of you.

I sit here every morning, hands clasped.
Thinking of you and how different my life would be without you.
As the tears hit my hands, I know in this moment that this was meant to be.
You are the string that kept me holding on believing that chances at true love exist.

You take the breath from my lips.
Thank you for saving me.
I'll walk through fire for you.
I'm right here, no running. Not leaving.

Take a breath.

I'll be standing here always. Waiting patiently. No pressure. I just want you to know the writing on my heart.


This last 2 weeks have been a trial. I've had my gun stolen, shoes, and a gift card. My mail wasnt coming to the house so I had no means of collecting the checks owed me to. Thankfully it was only $200 and not thousands. I had my check garnished for $900. That's a little more than half. IF they take more taxes I will be lucky to have $600 left over. That means car payment, rent, phone bill, and other bills don't get touched. This is probably the most stressful time of my life. It's 6:30am and I havent been paid yet. I dont know if they are freezing my account or if they are cutting me a live check. Who knows. All I know is I am not freaking out yet. Thanks to Dar my world has been flipped. I can't even begin to explain it. I got out of a bad 4 year relationship. It was bad for me. Bad for her. Bad for anyone around us. I had my world crushed on 8/18. A love that I thought would be endless came to a screaching halt. After picking up my pieces I thought I fell for someone who valued me for me. All I know is that I should never have to wonder if it's ok to hold someone's hand.

Dar, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I truly think that we are almost the same person. You have done nothing but support me through this. You go out of your way to make me feel that all is well in the world. It takes a ton for me to feel ok with all this happening, and here I am sitting at my desk calm as can be with my trust in God and my comfort with you. You are the bright and shining light that led me through some dark tunnels. I stand beside myself and think of how very blessed I am to have you.

I know when the time is right the "L word" will be abundant. I'm glad this is slow. Steady. Right. Perfect. True. There will come a day when you fall completely in love with me. I just want you to know...

I look forward to it.

Adrian Marcel - Caught Up

March 26th will mark one year since Sabrina's passing.

Tawny and I had plans to drive up to Glendora CA to visit her site. One problem, I'm being garnished over $900 on my next pay check. That means some bills may not get paid. Not to mention my mail has all the sudden stopped coming. Just stopped. The things that I did buy to make some money off of are missing in action. My gun got stolen right out of my own bedroom.

I'm trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm trying my best to remain positive, but man. I'm putting every ounce of trust in God and letting things happen where they will. I know that God has always taken care of me, and I know that he always will. It's just difficult to think about not having any control over the situation.

Things happen for a reason, and what is meant to be will be. I am so very blessed to have the company that I have, and I know it too. Thank you Cardboard box for running a freight train. :)

February 2013

Lots have happened in the last week. I've realized that the woman I was with is not the woman I thought she was. Thanks to past unsuccesful relationships I have a made a strict no bullshit rule for my life. If you don't fit, I'm not going to keep you around. Plain and simple. I am technically single. I have met someone.

When I was in my early 20's (for those of you around back then) I talked a lot about perfection in a woman. I think it's important to have that magnetic static with the woman youre with. I havent had that until recent. Although not much time has passed I feel enveloped by her. She isn't a typical female. She makes me laugh all day long. She's hillarious. She's flirty. Touchy. An excellent kisser. Her voice sends me into relapse. It's her mind. She reads me without effort. It's flawless. Every experience I have with her is flawless.

Last night we talked about timing in relationships, love, one night stands etc...I have been lucky to have a door fly open while the one in behind me is being locked. For those who know me, I never chase. I'm not looking for anything. Just time. I want her time. Her conversation. Her touch, kiss, skin, body, hair, and her quirky behavior.

She turned a light on for me. I've never had anyone pay me with compliments. Not the way she does. My whole perspective has been blown open.

Thank you.

For you..."Real Soon"-Adrian Marcel

Dear Lord

I'm in a bind. You know that too. I don't know what to do. I know that I need to trust that everything will be ok. I just worry that I cn't control it. Quanna told me today. You are in control even when I think that I am. I see that. I know that. Please show the way. I've made mistakes trying to please someone who didnt deserve me, and now. I might be in trouble. Big trouble. Please. Help me Jesus.

Phoenix Home or Business Cleaning Service

Yes. This is my website. Please let me know if you need any services done for your home or business. :)
www.Winkand Clean.com

www.Winkand Clean.com

I feel sad for you.

        
That you were only real on paper. And the internet.

Not that it affected me, because in reality your fakeness did me a favor.
Thank you for Lying to me, Making me feel worthless, Making me feel ugly, Making me feel incapable, Making me feel the need to constantly give and never receive, Making me see that money was the only thing that kept you happy with me, Making up lies to other women so they would feel sorry for you, Thank you for flirting with other females when we were together, thank you for sexting other women, thank you for making me out to be a monster, thank you for making me feel like I was the problem, Thank you for separating me from everyone who loved me, Thank you for being jealous about EVERY SINGLE female in my life, Thank you for forcing me to come out to my Father when I told you for 3 years it was up to me, Thank you for every time you dumped water, soda, and iced tea all over me because I wouldn’t give you your way, Thank you for the mental, emotional, and verbal abuse, oh and Thank you for trying to pay your bills with my credit card.

Thanks to you, I guarded myself. I met a lot of crazy girls who did a lot of crazy things for me. And when the smoke cleared; I found myself.

Thank you. Without you trying to ruin me, I never would have found  me.

Hurricane Sandy

Isn't it crazy how things happen? I mean the weather is just absolutely nuts. Even though we don't see the weather down here in the Southwest doesn't mean that we don't have our very own storms at home. I have 2 friends who are extremely close to my heart. They are family to me in every light. They have been going through a whirlwind of emotions and heartache due to infertility. It has been an amazing thing to watch this couple go through so much yet be the strong and courageous people that they are right now. Quita and Inez have decided to reach out to the blogging world for support. I would like to share some of their story by giving you their URL to their blog.

Please check them out. Any support given is appreciated and loved.

 The Chiquita and Inez Journey

Google my name

There is entirely too much information that comes us. Everything from my job to social networking profiles, to old modeling information. I haven't modeled in YEARS. AND it was one time. And, I'm really not that cute. I think Maisha (the owner) had a mini crush on me. That's likely it.  Google is a trip though. Images from way back. Some mildly embarrasing. Some I would not like to recollect...but hey. Thanks google for keeping track of my whole online life.  Someone telling you that they googled is weird and cool at the same time though. It's we-ool. That is called a 'portmanteau' which is a combination of two words to make one word. It's like word intercourse. I didn't have to look up the meaning of portmanteau because I was in 'gifted' classes in high school and was forced to learn and use new vocabulary. I am also known as a nerd. Sometimes a sexy nerd, but you can just call me "Lou." Kthanksbye

Halllllllla

Taurus Horoscope

Here I go

She has changed me. I have changed her.

It's beautiful. Or is it?

My horoscope for today

"The Eight of Pentacles card suggests that you might feel ready to take things to the next level, but you need to find your groove or be prepared to put your all into whatever material, financial, sexual or other labor of love you are working on. Send love notes, stick with what or who you know and take a hands-on approach to self-expression. Prepare to put your time and focus into streamlining the final details of this matter. Add your own personal touches, for it may be part of a lasting mark. Line up your options, for your creations could be put out there. Even in a buyer's market, you can prove yourself to be a pearl beyond price."


I wanna be a bright shiny pearl LMFAO

I'm on a mission

I'm left alone with my thoughts most nights.
My mind racing with terrifying frights.
Intuition hasn't been wrong yet.
I know the real you; you seem to forget.

You want her.
You say you don't
You want her.
You say you don't.

Don't make me fall all over myself wondering why.
You should leave me because of me; not for a sky.
You always deny things when you think it won't work out for you.
I need you to know that I can no longer be your number two.

You want her.
You say you don't.
You want her.
You say you don't.

Just tell me the truth.
I'm not bullet proof.
But I know that I deserve to know.
If I'm not the reason you glow.

Raw

I would never normally admit this, but I cancelled not because I didn't think I could do it. But because I don't think that you thought I was able to.

4 days

I almost went a month without posting on here. Boy oh boy has my life been really nutty. In March I lost a friend of mine. Sabrina Blackie. She lost her battle to Lukeimia. It has been really hard on me, it makes me analyze the people in my life, and makes me think 7 times about what I want to do. Sabrina passed on March 26, 2012 she was only 29. On May 13, 2012 I lost another friend Beth Furedy. An amazing person who was a good friend to me in high school. She was only 26. On May 14th I lost my Grandfather, Harvey Williams. He was 87. His passing was completely unexpected. No pain. Just passed away peacefully which is such a blessing, but that doesnt stop me from missing my Papa with everything in me. 3 people in 2 months. Man. I'm tired of crying.

Deena and I made a promise to each other recently. To live life like we should. Smile more, and laugh more. Take more time away from stress. I'm really trying to do that. Problem is, bills continue to pile on top of us. Day after day I have to find a way to pay for something somehow. I make good money. I really do, but will all the deposits from City of Phoenix water, gas, trash, and sewer I'm paying an extra $500 just on deposits. Sheesh. Can I get a breather folks? I'm really trying to find something that I can do on nights or weekends. Extra cash so that we can take the vacation that we've always dreamed of. Jamaica. Oh boy, how badly we want this. We have 7 months to save $5000. We really want it.

I'm saddened, and happy all at the same time. I feel a presence looking over me, and I am so greatful. But I wish that I would have been a better granddaughter and a better friend. It was hard getting from Phoenix to West Virginia. I'm so lucky that I got to go out there in October. And I'm lucky I got to spend time with my family during this hard time. I can hear a change in my Granny's voice. Almost as if she doesnt know what to do with herself. I'm beside myself when I say that I don't know what to do. I'm the problem solver of the family, and I have no idea how to handle this. How can you tell a woman that after 66 years of marriage that they wont wake up together or eat a hot meal together? She's lonely, and I can hear it. I just hope that I don't lose her too. I have 8 immediate family members. No cousins, no neices or nephews. Just my parents, 1 sister, 2 uncles,  1 aunt, and my Grandmother.

All I want to do is to be able to pick up and leave with Deena to go out there. How great that would be. If anyone knows of a part time position in Phoenix let me know. I'm up for it. I need a change in our lives, immediately.

Sorry for the rant, and this is probably the most information I have ever shared on here, but I need to let it off my chest. I just want to be successful, and I want my family to know that I am here even though I am 2000+ miles away.

The things that bring light in my dark space

Corporate tattooing

I LOVE that I can get tattoos and still look corporate. Sometimes I wish I had a million dollars just to spend on fixing my old jenky tattoos.

I am super excited for a vacation. Well needed and well deserved. I have been up to my eyes in work lately. I need a week of fun in Las Vegas. I think that everyone in their lifetime should be in Vegas for 1 week. It's so fun to be out there that long. The only thing I really have to worry about is Deena blowing all her money in the first day...but I'm going to try to keep her in check. Halllla.

I hope that everyone is having an awesome March! Smile today. Youre a bright, amazing, talented person. Even if you dont know it!

For anyone who needs to hear it.

Jagger Swagger

I bought Deena a matching pink scarf for Christmas. I like purple. Black and purple loves me.

Does ANYONE dress like this? Every single time that I see this pop up I think...Who are they trying to have pay attention to this? Anyone who wears fish fin gloves? Anyone who wears a Jazzercise suit around town? Or is it someone that wears a flashing light for a hat?

I totally love how their are age brackets here too. Why not just say "Any age"? Are you under 18? Or over 18? No need for the age brackets here folks. There really is just no need at all. Unless you are really attempting to attract you 75+ plus crowd. At 75 I would rather retire than try to strike up a new career. Just saying. On any note. I encourage ANYONE to go back to school. However. I do not encourage you to dress like the ladyman on this flyer. No burrito. Halllla

A day in my life

Person: It's on the West side of the building.


Me: Ok, so it should be right over there.

Person: No. It's to your left.

Me: Oh, that would be East then.

Person: Well, I guess it depends on which way you're facing.

Me: ? What?

Toilet Paper holder

I know that I have talked about toilet paper in the past, but I wanted to re-live this one. I used a public restroom recently, and this is what I saw....wow. Talk about a toilet paper holder. Who came up with this? Obviously Magyver. I mean really though. I am super surprised that there isnt a paper clip, can of beans, and baking soda somewhere in here too. Just in case Macgyver needed to make an airplane. Hay-soos people. This is redonkulous. What I love more? There is a fully finctional toilet paper holder UNDER the make shift Macgyver one. A-Mazing.

Let's talk about bookstores

I just want to point out how in retrospect these two should not be this close. The beginning aisle was "Dating" Ok, then "Marriage" Great! Then............"Divorce" WHAAAT?

So why do this? Theory 1 Here are my theories: For people in denial. They are contemplating Divorce. The section is designed to have marriage books close by, that way if you run into your nosey next door neighbor you can pretend you are picking up a book about successful marriages or how to spice things up when they are "already hot."

Theory 2

They are to make people CRAZY. I for one would go absolutely bonkers if I saw this. Maybe I was reaching out. I needed a book to make me feel better about a Divorce. So I find the aisle only to find all the fluffy nice books about marriage and soul mates and blah blah blah. How torturus! I mean really though. I think I would want to push the entire stand over to show my dismay. All the "great memories" of the marriage come flashing back. Then you're filled with this empty feeling because you're there to look at a Divorce book. AWESOME. Nice going Barnes and Noble.

Theory 3

They are distinctively placed their to talk people out of getting married. Maybe you're young. And wanting to make sure that the one is really the one. What's right next door to your fluffy marriage books? Guides to a speedy Divorce. And probably a complimentary coupon on a Lawyer.

I don't know about you, but if I ever see a woman coming out of Barnes and Noble crying, I think it may be because of this. OR the new Harry Potter was sold out. Whatevs. Halllla

New shades

Am I cool yet? Halllla

T Mills

Wow. Went to the Kreayshawn concert and heard T Mills. WOW. This dude is DOPE. I mean wow. Check out his new music. I have some on my playlist. He is amazing. I like a little better than Yelawolf...but shhhh...dont tell anyone that. :) Check him out. I promise he is worth it. I need someone to make me a CD stat! Halllllla

JenniV.Tumblr.com

So, my friend Jenni wanted to know what she would look like as a manly man. Mission accomplished! Take a look at this studly stud muffin! I told her she may get a few lady callers, I mean Lesbi-honest she looks super studrific! <3 you friend! Everyone check out her tumblr for good laughs, and daily thoughts!

Talk that talk

Kiss me like you miss me, Fuck me like you hate me

Verse 1]


She says "kiss me like you miss me, fuck me like you hate me

And when you’re fucking someone else just fuck her like she ain't me"

Damn, those words are scary, those words are scary virgin Mary

I just tell her to spare me

I was in love 2 years ago and gave the baggage to my ex

It’s all for her to carry, bags she deserve to carry

I hate that ho, I make it so hard just to talk, don’t I?

I get off topic don’t I? I get it poppin’ don’t I?

I’ll end up stopping won’t I? And by the time I end up stopping

You’ll be rocking one of the rings you pointed out while shopping with a nigga don’t lie

She’s losing it right now, cause if I wasn't who I am, she would've been moving in right now

But instead we're moving slow -- I guess she's used to it by now

And she gives me all her trust and I'm abusing it right now

But this money coming in is just confusing shit right now

You just told me I ain't shit and I guess I'm proving it right now



[Hook]

I say I'd rather be with you but you are not around

So I'mma call somebody up and see if they be down

Cause I hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone

Half the time we don't end up fucking, I don't ask her for nothing

You leave me in the morning, I don't see her for months

But I just hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone

So she’s here and we're both so gone



[Verse 2]

Hotel to hotel, girl -- I could use your company

Full name and birthday, I book a flight, you come to me

But she don't want a weekend -- she wants all of me or none of me

If she can't work with all of me then she say she done with me

You say that you over me you always end up under me

You know how it goes -- don't be crazy, don't play dumb with me

Don't start with yo shit -- I put you back in yo place

She tells me "I bet you won't, you won't say that to my face"

And hang up yeah, how dare you tell me it's tougher for you

Like I don't hear about the niggas you fucking with, too

And whoever I be with, they got nothing on you

That's just something to do when there's nothing to do

Yeah, but she's losing it right now

She has choices she should make I think she's choosing it right now

One more chance to make it right, I think I'm using it right now

You just said I never learn I guess I'm proving it right now

Tattoos

I need new tattoos. Better yet...a cover up. Look at my right arm. Faded Chinese symbols. I need a new one. Although I realize this takes money. So I guess this post should be about needing money right? Who couldn't use more money? Besides Bill Gates. Jeez. Can I invent something cool please? Something innovative? Something necessary? Something profitable? End of rant session.

Anywho. Anyone know any tattoo artists in Phoenix who have mad skills and want a lifetime loyal customer hit me up via email. Hanemaayer1022@yahoo.com please and thank you mucho! Halllla