Fruit Salad. Yeah I made it.

From my BFF Toni Bologna

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE

WHEN YOU'RE OLD

AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.



George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going

up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the

garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened

the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people

in the shed stealing things.



He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"



He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and

stealing from me.



Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock

your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."



George said, "Okay."



He hung up the phone and counted to 30.



Then he phoned the police again.



"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people

stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them

now because I just shot them." and he hung up.



Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two

Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'

residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.



One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd

shot them!"



George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"



Don't mess with old people

Quick hit

If I had bet Max, I would be a thousandaire and not a hundaire. Darn. :)

Sunset in Phoenix from the 16th floor

Resolve carpet cleaner

I love you is now spelled R-e-s-o-l-v-e. I have resolve carpet cleaner to thank for this special message that I gave to Deena. I am creative dagnabit! Anyone who says otherwise will get a message from me using resolve carpet cleaner. :)

Word of the day:

I heart you QT. You make me laugh, even if this is stupid. You make me laugh. Is it me or has the world noticed that marketing has gotten a bajillion times better? Seriously, commercials are actually funny, interesting, and informing. That is not the norm. The norm is boring stupid commercials. I am not somewhat excited to watch commercials...Now...I will be reading gas stations while driving. I can't wait to tell you how that works out. Thanks QT. Hoot

Purell

Anyone who says that I waste Purell....is a LIAR. :) Holler

For you, Cleopatra

View from my balcony.

Cuddle Kitty

He has been very affectionate lately. I think it's because of the stress levels. He knows. This is why cats are so awesome. Holler.

1,113

Yup. That's how many posts I have had. Not the 13 word post. The real deal. Real posting. 3 years in the making of this amazing ride. I love you blogspot.com. You are so amazing for so many reasons. I have had a rough day. Lots of work, and tons to do. I am thankful today, and I see that more and more everyday. Thank you. Everyone for all that you do, and do not do. Thank you blogspot for allowing me to post here for 3 years. I know you have heard some stories and probably seen some things, and for that I am very grateful. XO

Whiskey River bus

So.. I was driving down the freeway and POW. I saw this crazy looking bull bus. What was it? A Whiskey River bus. I used to drink there back in the day. Wedesndays are 25 Cent drinks. Yup. Many drunken nights at that straight bar. I am certain that they still have a ton of business. This bus is pretty awesome. Can you imagine riding in this thing drunk? Oh heck.

Find the kitty

Can you find the kitty? Where's June bug?

He is so cute. He is a crazy crazy boy, but he is my crazy boy. I love you June bug.

Cairo came over this weekend. She got her hairs cute. 2 shaved babies. I know I'm lame, but these two are so cute. Cairo is going on a year. I can't believe she is still so small! And I can't believe that Junior is still scared of her. What a fraidy-cat!

Crazy DJ

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Missy Higgins

Is saving my life.

Can you spot the differences?

Analytics

I had no idea that so many Americans were up this early. Not to mention I am loving Sri Lanka for the average time! Read on people! Thank you for your views! Hoot and Holler.

Visits
761

The average duration of a visit to your site. Avg. Time on Site


00:01:07


The percentage of visits by people who had never visited your site before. % New Visits


51.38%

Continent Visits Pages/Visit Avg. Time on Site

1. United States 635 1.74 00:01:11
2. Canada 20 1.55 00:00:21
3. United Kingdom 18 1.50 00:00:15 

4. Germany 12 1.67 00:00:09
5. Sri Lanka 8 1.25 00:03:57
6. India 6 2.17 00:02:40

7. Russia 6 1.00 01:40:00
8. Norway 4 1.00 00:45:00
9. Netherlands 4 1.75 00:01:10
10. Italy 3 3.67 00:00:40

Phoenix Morning

I haven't known what 5 am looks like in a LONG time. I had to work at 5 am this morning to fill in for a Supervisor who is still on vacation. Let me tell you. Hearning my alarm go off at 4:15am was just that. Alarming. I was really tired when I got into work. I am waking up some now (It is 6:20am) which is surprising because I am really not a morning person at all. I used to work mornings when I was at SMC promotions, but I don't think that I could do that again. I took some picture this morning of what it looks like at 5am. I did this for 2 reasons. First reason was for evidence. Because no one I know will believe that I was up this early. And Two: To remind myself during shift bids that I am simply NOT suited for this shift again. Although the streets were very clear, I just could not be up this early. Boo-yah!

Star Trek Slot machine

Deena and I went to the casino over the weekend. It was somewhat of a bust for me until I was down to my last $10.00. I got up from a machine ($10 in hand) and saw that a Star Trek machine was finally open (they are so popular). I put my last $10 in it, and was super bummed. I kept thinking that I would lose my $10 fast, and not be able to play the bonus. Well....a win warp came along. (See below)

A win warp basically means that I have won the last few spins. And they want to engage a symbol warp. So I have a win warp, and a pretty good 5 line warp. The symbols start flashing, and I figured I would end up with Kirk or Spock or something (hoping for the bonus because the bonus game is so cool!)...well, I didn't get the bonus. I hit the jackpot. $165. I had $2.00 left in the machine and I just won $165. Sweet right? I was totally stoked. Not to mention I hit the bonus too. (yay!) I walked away from Captain Kirk with a $200 ticket in hand. Thank you Star Trek. Beam me up Scotty!

Super Kitty!

I was in the living room one night (probably knitting or playing the Kazoo) and saw Junior looking anxiously outside the window. Little did I know he was (doing kitty aerobics) chasing a moth like a lion on a zebra. As I watched in amusement I kept thinking to myself...this is EXACTLY why I won't allow him on the balcony. We are 16 floors high, and he might feel like superman one day and fly off of the balcony trying to catch a fly. I like laughing at him. No balcony for you Super Kitty.

Oh yeah and I shaved him too. :) I normally have a groomer do it, but he is so passive. I figured I would give it a shot. Well, it paid off. This lil dude is shaved, and lookin fly as ever! Hoot! As you can tell from the 2 pictures, he looks like a whole new kitty with his hair shaved. At least Deena can stop sneezing ever 30 minutes now. She can start sneezing every 33 minutes instead.

Special thanks to my BFF Toni Bologna. She allowed me to use her clippers to make this pretty kitty less furry. Thanks BFF! Junior loves his new hair cut, and I am certain that he will have a special thanks just for you. So bring your purse over, and he will barf on it like he does Deena's purse. :) Holler.

Thumb socks

Oh, and Pizap. That site is awesome. Hoot!

She Stole my heart

And by her, I do mean this raspberry white chocolate cheesecake. I am smitten. Turned into submission be her luxurious drizzled white chocolate. I fell in love when I tasted her sweet raspberry topping. Ok nasties. I love cheesecake. Especially ones named Raspberry White Chocolate Cheesecake. Holler!

Phoenix sky

I know, I know. I never have much to say on these. I LOVE the sky. What can I say? Enjoy

Phoenix Fireworks

This year was pretty flippin sweet. I completely forgot that we would have the best seat in the house when it came to fireworks. We saw Scottsdale, Glendale, Avondale, Tempe, and Phoenix. We had a full night of fireworks. It was nice to not have to pay $15 to get into a crowded park where we would sit on the grass and pay $9 for a hotdog. Not to mention the crick in your neck from looking up into the sky for the entire 30 minutes, and traffic trying to leave. Glad I missed that. I sat my happy caboose on the balcony and watched the fireworks sparkle in the sky at eye level. I took some pictures. Hey, I didn't say they were good. :) Just took some to post. I know how you all love picture over my writing technique. Later!

Bathroom Stall Stories 3

These stories always make me proud. I was in Las Vegas when taking these pictures. Some were just too much for some eyes, so I mad sure to leave them out. Hope you enjoy this one!

Cowboys fan huh? Must be a redneck. Not to clown on the Cowboys, but seriously. Where are you from? Lemme guess. Houston? http://soc.hfac.uh.edu/artman/publish/article_49.shtml Awe man, I was actually born there.  

Ha ha ha! This one is great only because it must really suck to be called out in a bathroom stall. Can you imagine? If not, tell me your name, and an embarrassing fact about yourself. I will personally write it on a wall, and feature the picture on Bathroom Stall Stories 4. ;)

Awe. "Wesbian Wovers" Nice goin ladies.

Stay tuned, and remember to comment with your name + embarrassing fact to see your business blasted on a bathroom wall. Thanks for playin! Hoot and holler!

"ODG" Oh Dear God

text from last night

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.


(978):


i know you like teen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

Mac Miller

This has been one of my favorite songs for a long time. I really dig Mac Miller. I think that he will be one of the next up and coming artists of 2010.